Bahahahaha!

"April? How is it April?" Oh, gosh, I was so innocently idealistic about my blogging intentions back then...

So here we are, June 3, nearly two months later, and I realize that part of the problem is that I feel the need to catalog things here, and if I can't tell you everything that's going on, I ain't gonna tell you nothin'.

I'm over it.

So one thing I will tell you is that I'm overwhelmingly behind in my paperwork at work, which I believe to be a function of (mostly) my insurmountable anxiety. So of course the report I finished yesterday was due last Wednesday, and I have to get it in to the Raleigh office intranet ASAP, and of course that cannot be done remotely, and so I saddled up the iron horse and rode to the Raleigh office, where I had high hopes of spending a quiet Sunday afternoon alone banging out a report that I need to turn in tomorrow but probably should've handed in last week. But of course, the Raleigh office also has THE SLOWEST EFFING COMPUTERS KNOWN TO MAN,  which would not cooperate AT ALL. I finally got the report uploaded, and bugged the heck out. I dropped in on the H-D dealership next door (I discovered this am that an insignificant piece had fallen off my bike, but felt the need to replace it. It was so insignificant they didn't even charge me) and ran past the state farmers market (down the street, only slightly farther. I'm going to miss this office) to replace a plant I killed (they didn't have it; I bought salsa instead), and then headed back home. Fortunately, it was a beautiful day for a ride.

Can I just tell you? I can say with absolute certainty now - I love my motorcycle.

It was entertaining me today on the ride home how the inside of my head alternates between "Why don't I ride everywhere?", "Please don't hit me!!", and "My ass is sore/I need a new seat/I need saddlebags/why doesn't this thing have a clock/I need a new helmet/why can't I wear goggles/why don't I have highway pegs/the first thing I'm going to do when I have more money is buy a new seat, no, saddlebags, no, wait, I should probably get the electrical issue fixed first so I don't have to leave it plugged in all the time/do I need new tires?" etc.

I tried listening to music on the ride today. I have an earbud I use for my GPS. Lots of riders do it (they even make bluetooth helmets) and frankly I don't know that it's any more inappropriate than in a car. It's not like you can hear much of the outside world anyway, between the engine and the wind. But I turned it off about five miles in. I just didn't like it. Which is interesting, given how much I sing inside my helmet. But it just felt weird. Like it was keeping me out of the zen of riding and impeding me letting my headspace dictate what music accompanied.

Stella (the Sportster) just crossed 1000 miles on her odometer on Thursday (she had 52 when I got her). I'm proud of us.

April? How is it April?

And ELEVEN days in, no less.

April has been a very hard month for me for a number of years. Things always seem to get complicated this time of year. On this date in 2005, I was in massive amounts of trouble in my OB/G program and would today get an email from my program director that more or less sealed my fate (I had to leave or they were going to royally fuck me over. You know, even more than they actually did). I left the program on the 14th, headed back to Chicago on Tax Day. I often think of the 14th as Kate's Independence Day, which is, of course, a good thing. But I also imagine that, once the Revolutionary War was over, George Washington did a fair amount of drinking in the dark when in subsequent years the calendar approached July 4. It ended well, but it was an intensely painful time.

And then of course two years ago, I was in Chicago in a hospital making the decision to relocate my parents to NC after my mom's stroke and closely following diagnosis of Stage 4 breast cancer. Which was a wild ride, for all of us, and was, again, really painful for me on a number of levels. Both my parents are doing pretty well at the moment (*knock, knock*) but that doesn't actually make me less anxious.

It's also, as you'll see on the sidebar, National Sexual Abuse and Assault Awareness month. Every year I vow to be more activisty in April, but every year April slides up and taps me on the shoulder and reminds me why I feel so damn uneasy. And the trauma issues have been a very big hot button lately. Again, the result of some very hard work, and it's good progress. But, see above re: George Washington.

Not to mention, there's a number of difficult things going on in my social circle right now, friends who are having rough times, and I ended a brief but complicated and very intense (and metaphorically important) relationship on Monday.

I'm also doing this online class with Barb and Buie. We're in the Uncluttered class, which is less about having too much crap in your house and more about getting unstuck and letting go of more esoteric things. I think it's going to be life changing, honestly. But, again, hard work. And therapy's been intense lately, which I'm hoping these things will kindle each other.

Still. I'm exhausted.

At least I know where today's migraine came from...(oh, wait, no, I think it's actually from the ridiculously labile weather....)

Is it time to go back to bed yet?

Settling in

Look!!! We have internet in the new place.

LOVE the new house. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Maggie and Lucky seem pretty happy with the place, too. Maggie will be even more excited when they finish the work on the back deck and she can run out into the huge back yard.

We're making some progress here. Kitchen and dining room are unpacked. Front room is getting there. Bedroom is almost there.

It's been a very nice week of vacation and unpacking. Back to work tomorrow, and coverage Saturday morning, but the "break" has been useful.

There's still a lot to do, however.

More in a bit...

Ah, Wednesday...

Whew. I'm so glad the week is approaching "over", even though it's been a pretty limited work week and I have an overnight shift this weekend. I really need a nap. Which is good, because Maggie and Lucky and I acquired a new mattress today. The old one had reached the stage where it will settle nicely into being a bed that others can sleep on for a night or two and feel fine, but sleeping on it every night has knocked my spine pretty far out of whack. And I don't sleep so well to begin with, right, so...

It's the low end TempurPedic memory foam nonsense. I made the mistake of laying on it in the store and was like....oh....oh dear... I then did a fair amount of financing shenanigans to finagle me not paying very much on it until I have a real paycheck later in the year (and will then just pay it off), but, it'll be a nice change. I also probably should've waited to have it delivered to the new place, but, a, the girl at the store did a lot of wheeling and dealing to get it delivered before, you know, April, and 2, my back hurts.

Maggie apparently approves.

Here's a funny story - so, this morning, I was stripping the linens off the old bed, and it suddenly occurred to me that I now have a cat. A cat who likes to spend a lot of time under my bed and bat things around. So, who knows what he's hidden under the bed, right? Okay, maybe I should check. So I pulled off the mattress, and I lift up the box spring....and there's Lucky. Wide-eyed, all, " Ohmgosh!!" I had no idea he was even in the room. So I was like, "Hey, buddy!" and he was all "AAAAAAH!!" and scampered out of the room. I laughed for a good five minutes. 

In less exciting news today, I was stopping at Starbucks on my way to work, and in the drive thru, within 15-30 seconds of each other, I got two text messages. One was from my mom, saying that one of my "uncles" back in Chicago had a rather unexpected quadruple bypass yesterday, and the second was from a good friend (who's been through hell and back over the last few years) telling me bad news about one of her family members. Seriously. Worst cup of coffee ever (not the coffee itself, that was pretty standard, but you know what I mean). Fortunately, I talked to my cousin shortly thereafter and her dad is doing really well and recovering nicely. And my friend texted me later to say that the situation with her family member was not, in fact, as dire as it seemed initially, and might actually turn out to be okay.

Whew.

Is it time for bed yet?

Thoughts with a thinker (or two)

So, in a very convoluted fashion (I was watching Star Trek. I thought, "How old IS Leonard Nimoy these days?" I Googled. I Wikipediaed. I clicked. I followed. Etc, etc, so forth, so on) (He'll be 81 next month, by the way) I stumbled across this page tonight.

Leonard Nimoy Photography: Secret Selves

Being the worldly fat girl that I am, I remember his Full Body Project well. So when I wandered onto his personal website, I scrolled through his photography projects and I came across Secret Selves. What a fascinating group of images.

And now I'm deep in contemplation about who is my Alter Ego. I always joke that it's Anxiety Girl, but frankly, I think that's my primary persona. I can't quite decide who is the Superman to my Clark Kent.

Go. Look. Ponder. Tell me about your Secret Self.

GroundHOG day

Okay, I'm going to get better about blogging. Really I am. Because one of the main purposes it serves for me is chronicling my life, and that comes in really handy when I'm like, wait, when did that happen?

So it's Groundhog Day. Most people are thinking about the weather. I? Make Groundhog Day resolutions. Because it makes just as much sense as making them on New Year's, but you have another month to think about them. So here goes.

1. Blog more. As in, preserve more, speak more, and don't hide from the world when things get anxious or difficult.

2. Think harder and longer about what it is that *I* really want, instead of what's easiest, feeds my masochism best, or works out best for everyone but me. Which leads to,

3. Get a better sense of what it is I want.

4. Weigh less. Metaphorically and literally. Let go of past events and affects that keep me down. And, I'm on Weight Watchers. We'll see about that. I know I'm supposed to have more specific goals, like, "Lose 30 pounds by Tuesday," but, frankly, I don't yet know what my body is willing to let go of and the time frame of when it is willing to do that. I'll encourage, but I'll be less anxious about it.

5. This year should be all about flow and balance, priority and restoration.

6. Bike. More. Like, at least once a week. The Harley and I are both sad that I haven't been out more since I got her. She's very pretty in the driveway, but...

 I'm sure there's more. I don't know that I really thought that hard or consciously over the past month about what I was going to resolve, but, apparently, that's what I'm thinking about. And I've made some progress on each of these this month.

 1? Well, this is a blog post, isn't it?

 2. Last week I worked myself into a frenzy over this idea of creating a new fellowship at Big Blue. Someone else suggested it, and I ran with it. Not my idea, but it seemed like a good one. Plus, it would let me do this! And this! And THIS! Except, no one was really willing to pay for it. No one was really going to lend much support to it. It was upstream all the damn way. And, if it was something I truly believed in, felt like THIS was my calling, thought that it would fill a devastating need, it could totally have been worth the work.

But I? Am tired.

I graduated medical school eight years ago. I've worked really hard. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of trying to stay under the radar. I'm tired of the Big House bureaucracy. I'm tired of working ridiculous hours and still worrying that my rent check will bounce. I'm in 25th grade this year. I need a break.

And that break presented itself to me. I went to my second interview (a site visit, really) on Tuesday for this ACT team (the free-range crazies, like I did second year) that works a rural-ish community about an hour from here, with two days a month of child clinic for kids who already have services and just need meds. It's a reasonable commute. They're cohesive and functional and well-established. They seem to like each other and it felt like a good fit. I'd have support and not have to do all the medicine plus the social work (which I'm so not trained for) plus all the administrative work (which, frankly, I'm not trained for, either). It's good money and nice benefits. It qualifies for some loan repayment. I love ACTT and still get to see kids. Plus, it's 4 ten hour days a week, which admittedly cuts into my coffee time and makes for very long days, but also gives me a fifth day to do a private therapy practice, teach, mentor, or, you know, nap. I was driving home and found myself thinking, why in the world would I want to place myself in the position of being the outlier - again - who constantly has to prove herself and her worth when I could take this really good opportunity and have a great job, be able to pay my bills, and chill the fuck out for a little while? Earth to Kate!! So, by the time I got home I emailed them accepting the job. I'll probably start in August, which gives me a minute to catch my breath between fellowship and the Real World.

Plus, I'm moving in three weeks. To a house I really adore, where we're going to have room to breathe and run and live.

3. I'm working on it. Ref: 2

4. I joined Weight Watchers. I'm following the program. It doesn't suck as much as I was expecting, although it does allow me to continue to make questionable choices (seriously. I ate gummy bears for dinner). I did have a moment of complete and utter neurotic ridiculousness that involved four-variable matrix math to try and figure out the POINTS system. But, well, no one's ever accused me of being sane.

5. Balance. Flow. Priority. Restoration. It's looking good.

6. Jen and I tried to jump the Harley this afternoon (today was SUCH beautiful riding weather!! sniff...), and we got nothin'. Granted, we managed not to make the battery explode, which is good, but I mean nothing. Not even a click. So we rigged up the tender on an extension cord out the window (since I don't actually have outdoor outlets here) and she's all plugged it. I might even ride to work tomorrow. Unless she won't start, I oversleep, or I chicken out. But this weekend for sure.

We're getting somewhere. One day, one step, one breath at a time...

Well, I *am* a Child Psychiatrist....

Watch this. OMG. Awesome. Happy Love Thursday, y'all.

Truth

I saw this today. It cracks me the heck up.

In related news, I'm now on Pinterest. I haven't done anything exciting there, yet, but, you're welcome to follow me on the off chance I do.



Pinterest is an interesting forum. Mostly of crap. Fortunately, I've pared down the people they suggested I follow and am now mostly just following people I actually like, which makes it less craptastic. Also, I think the invitation/waiting list thing is bullshit, so if you need an invite, let me know (especially if I actually know you).

Movin' on up

Er, actually, we're going west. So, movin' on over.

Maggie and Lucky and I are moving in March.

My friends have this adorable toddler named Finn. He is seriously the cutest thing. He lives in a nice house about a mile from here, with his mom and his dad and his big dog and his little cat. Oh, and - surprise! - soon, a little brother. We are all very excited - particularly me, because they've decided they need a bigger house if there are going to be four of them. And, as it does everywhere, the housing market sucks in NC. So, instead of selling, they're renting it. To me.

It's a great place. My very favorite features are the big spacious kitchen (no more pocket kitchen for me!), the great screened-in back porch, and the giganamous back yard in which Maggie can run and play to her heart's content (we might even get a second dog in a year or so). There's a formal dining room. There's a fireplace. There's a nice space in the kitchen for my chest freezer (it's currently a home-brewed beer tap or something). There's granite countertops. There's room for a guest room again. And there's a really big attic where I can store large quantities of crap.

Not to mention, it's a single-family home (after years of townhouses and common walls, this sounds lovely). There's way better parking than any of the apartments I've lived in. They have great neighbors, several of whom I already know, and it's a nice little neighborhood. The house is set up much better for entertaining than any of the ones I've lived in over the past five years, so I might actually have people over again. And it's about a mile from my current apartment (if that), so it's about two miles from my parents' place. Not too shabby.

HUGE backyard. Maggie's going to lose her puppy mind.

Sadly, though, I can't figure out how we could get a dog door in. Which is fine, because then it would also be a cat door. And when we had one, I always worried that it would be, like, a raccoon door. 

I asked my soon-to-be-landlord if there were any critters I needed to be aware of. After the roaches at the last place and the mice at this one, I figure I can handle whatever (and/or call Orkin), but it would be nice to be warned. He told me that occasionally there were turtles. But, you know, only in the yard. 

I have to buy a lawn mower. And get movers, and pack up my house again. And maybe, since I have to give 60 days notice to my current landlord, I can actually sort and purge a little this time like I'm always threatening to.

Stop laughing. Right this minute. I could sort and purge if I wanted. It might happen.

The actual moving portion of this is going to be stressful. It always is. Hopefully, though, this is a place that can feel like home and we can stay for a good long while.

Love, Peace, and Thursdays

So, I know it isn't Rosh Hashanah. And I know the Jewish new year and the Western new year are different. And I don't really understand all the references. But! I really like this song. I think it sets a good tone for our new year, too. And so, I'm sharing it with you. Shalom, y'all.

Ringing in

So, it's 2012.

Last month (or maybe it was the month before that) I decided I was going to Chicago to ring in the new year with my BFFs, as I have for the past ten-ish years (although last year was by Skype). I was all excited.

Three-ish weeks ago, my dad wasn't feeling so hot. And I had difficulties getting a bit of work coverage. And I was asked to take a moonlighting shift by a friend of mine whose wife was pregnant that would've amounted to a full day of holiday pay. So, then, I wasn't going to Chicago. I was not excited, but, it seemed like the right decision.

And then.....last week, things just seemed to fall into place. The work issue resolved itself. My friend's wife had the baby earlier than anticipated (but still fully incubated) and he felt like he could take the shift after all. My dad was feeling better. And so, literally, Tuesday of last week, I was like, well....then....I'm going to Chicago. You know, tomorrow. So I emailed my boss (who said, "By all means, GO!!!") and then I set off Wednesday.

It was a great trip. One of those trips that will go down in the history of Kateness.

I'd originally planned to be up there for an extended period of time, like, ten days, maybe. I'd see everyone, maybe jaunt up to Michigan to see some people, have some down time, whatever. But then, when the trip was then off and then on again, I figured the revised plan to be a much more sneak-in-the-back-door kind of endeavor. Run in, see my inner circle, run home.

As it was, the trip, although somewhat shorter, turned out to be the former. I made it in Thursday morning (could've made it in a day, but, got a late start and didn't want to pull in at 10:30pm). I went STRAIGHT to the Secretary of State's office (like the DMV) and renewed my expired license plates that NC wouldn't transfer and IL wouldn't renew over the phone. Then I met my Nouno (my actual uncle) at my parents' old house. We checked out a few things, then met my Nouna and younger cousin for lunch. I meandered to Robin's house, where I was staying, and then we had a most-of-the-girls' night out. Fabulous Italian restaurant in my hometown with - get this - gluten free pasta AND flourless chocolate cake (which was the BOMB). Then we sat around and chatted for a good long while. Friday morning I hung out with Robin and Bea and their collective four children, who are awesome. I then went and had lunch with a friend from high school that I hadn't seen...well, since high school ended. Because Claudia hadn't been able to make it to Girls' Night the night before, she got me all to herself on Friday. More gluten free menu awesomeness, coffee, and feverish, looming-deadline style knitting. Saturday morning I had - wait for it - gluten free pancakes (although I later came to believe that something about that meal was contaminated) at this great local/organic type restaurant with my awesome, awesome god daughter and her incredibly fabulous mom, whom I haven't seen since my mom's stroke. After that I discovered a very cool gluten free bakery in downtown Hinsdale (Sweet Ali's) and got cinnamon rolls, pizza, etc for the festivities.

We settled in for our traditional No Pants New Year's Eve, and it was wonderful. Lots of fun, lots of food (I made gluten free pizza, brownies, chocolate chip cookies, AND snickerdoodles!), lots of beer (not for me - I was drinking champagne and coconut rum. Not at the same time). It was fantastic, as always, even if Ali and I were both more or less passed out on the couch at 11:45. Sunday morning I got a very hilarious "happy new year!" call from Misty, and then Claud and I went to a party hosted by yet another high school friend I haven't seen since...well, no, I think I saw her at the 10 year reunion, which was a mere *mumble* years ago. It was a bona fide hoot. She has acquired some hilarious friends since HS. Sunday night we ate leftovers and dissected the weekend so far, played some Wii, and were homebodies. Which, was lovely. Monday I packed up at Robin and Brad's, and met Claudia in the city for Irish pub food (burger on a GF bun and mashed potatoes) and hot chocolate. We chatted for a long while and then I headed over to my (not-actually-related) aunt and uncle's for dinner. Both their daughters and their accompanying sons-in-law were there, which was fantastic. I'm not sure I've seen my one cousin since her wedding in India (to which I sadly did not make it). We had jambalaya and raspberry aperitif and a very, very good time. My aunt and uncle just moved back to Chicago from NC and so I was the very first one to stay in their guest room in their new, fancy, gut rehab on the north side. The next morning my aunt made me eggs and I headed down to Ohio, where I stayed with my cousins for the evening. Again, another lovely home-cooked meal and very good company. Plus, I got to meet their horse and play NCIS on the Wii, etc, etc. My cousin made me one of his very special feta omelets this morning and then I stopped by my favorite non-local (to me) local coffee shop and headed east.

A few other things happened, too. I picked up a number of good audiobooks, all of which I recommend. Bossypants, by Tina Fey, I kind of recommend as an audiobook, since she reads it, which is awesome. The other two, Switch by Chip and Dan Heath, and Girl in Translation  by Jean Kwok, are probably just as good if not better in written form. I also discovered that Cracker Barrel carries Bone Suckin' Salsa (best ever) and how much I like Snikiddy's cheese puffs.

Sadly, though, during the week, two of my mom's friends died (one she hadn't seen in years and one from here who was at death's door for some time) and Buie's middle dog died (Maggie is sad, too. She loved Rusty).

Maggie and Lucky are quite glad I'm home. Me too. I'm exhausted. But that? Was fantastic. Welcome, 2012!!

"A little help, here??"

Serenity or something like it

So I'm sitting here tonight, listening to this song over and over. I'm not entirely sure why. I can come up with at least seven reasons that make sense, but none of them seem to ring true.



This is the piece that (ironically) I can't seem to let go of:

The pain is self-inflicted.
I know it's not good for my health.
But it's easier to please the world
Than it is to please myself.
The rest is out of my hands.
I will learn to let go what I cannot change.
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change.
I will learn to love what I cannot change.
And I will change whatever I can.
Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel
I have enough hurt of my own to heal.

It's been sort of a tough weekend.

It's been sort of a tough decade.

Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions and conflict both internal and external.

One of the things that happened seems to be relatively symbolic of my recent life, actually...I got clawed up by my cat while I was trying to help him stop clawing me up. I really don't want to get the cat declawed because I think it's pretty brutal, but Lucky totally doesn't understand the indoor use of claws. I mean, he's been minimally clawing of the furniture - he generally likes to scratch on the carpet, which, knock yourself out, cat - but it's the clawing of me with which I take issue. So Jen says, oh, just clip his nails. That'll take the needle-sharp points off of them and make it less awful. So, okay, logical enough. But he freaked out and ran and hid, and then once I coaxed him out he sunk his claws into me repeatedly because he was scared and didn't want me to let go of him. So, in his mind, this is a good thing, right? I will hold solidly on to my Kate and she will not go away and she will make things better. But in practice, this is really painful for me. And of course, once we got to the actual clipping, that was no big deal and he didn't even flinch. And then I held him for a while, and we both felt better.

There's a couple of different ways I could work that metaphor to describe several of my relationships lately.

This is the other song that's been in heavy rotation in my internal world, which started because of a friendship that's actively and painfully falling apart and I'm making the conscious choice to not stop it from doing so.



But then I watched the YouTube video of this song yesterday (not this one, one that was at a radio station) and he was talking about how he wrote this when he was estranged from his son, which seemed timely, because this weekend my brother was in town to see our dad, who he hadn't seen in well over 30 years.

Still. It seems to describe an awful lot of my relationships, and that place I can't ever quite seem to get to where I step back and go, wait, I can't fix this by myself. I, conversely, so often just keep beating myself against the same brick wall because I get inconsistent messages from the other side of it. And I can't let go of the idea that I'm responsible for fixing things, that I'm the one who is at fault no matter what the truth might be.

It's something about maintaining control, I think. In refusing to be a victim, I absorb responsibilities that just aren't mine, because if I'm the reason things are fucked up, then I must still have the power to fix them. It's a potent sort of crazy.

Let's look at the lyrics from this one, shall we?

There's a wall gone up between us, ten feet tall and ten feet wide
We can hear each other screaming, but can't see the other side
And there's no getting over, and there's no breaking through
Until you can accept my hand when I reach out to you

I can't tell you how to live your life, I can't turn you into me
I can't roll this rock back up that hill, I ain't got the energy
So call me up when you get tired of pushing me away
I just hope we can be friends again someday

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't push him in
I'm tired of fighting battles neither one ever wins
The armor's getting heavy, and the quills have lost their point
Won't you meet me for an orange soda down at Tommy's joint?

I can't teach you how to chase your dreams
I can't make the sun shine through the rain cloud you drag around
I'll leave it up to you
My love for you is oceans wide, that's all I want to say
And I hope we can be friends again someday

Chili dogs and milkshakes down at the little gem
Fishing off the dock talkin' politics 'till 3am
Long drives through the countryside, afternoons that never end
It's all right here if we could just be friends again.

I know I can't change anyone, I can only change myself
But when the tidal wave of life rolls in I can only offer help
I don't know, some kind of compromise, maybe we could meet halfway
I know we can be friends again
I pray we can be friends again
I hope we can be friends again someday.

It feels to me like there's an overwhelming and incredibly meaningful metaphor in all this, but I'm just so close in that I can't put my finger on it.

I need to master that step back.

There's therapy tomorrow. I think that's good.

Oh, and one more thing...

Look up in the top left hand corner. Up there, by the web address.

Yep. It's a tiny little me.

Apparently that's called a favicon and Blogger now allows me to have one.

Cool, huh?

Wait, what?

How is it December already??

Today, I found myself driving down the I-40 behind a truck full of Christmas trees. They were pretty, and smelled way better than the livestock trucks I typically get stuck behind. The down side is that my car ended up spattered with sap...

Gonna Get Your Tail...

No rest for the wicked

No, no, I haven't fallen off the bloggy wagon. I've just had a very full few days. Claudia came down to visit this weekend and we had a blast. She got to hang out with a lot of my local friends. We had a very good time.

The highlights of our weekend (as I see them, in no particular order):
- good company and catching up
- fabulous dining out, and a lot of it, including trying several new-to-me places
- losing at 3-on-1 pool
- gluten free brownies made of awesomeness
- coffee
- Claud Meets the Village
- a new - and fabulous - vacuum to replace the one that died in the Unfortunate Catnip Mouse Incident of 2011
- breakfast with one of my favorite four year olds
- Cabaret. Or should I say, "cabaret."
- drunken Waffle House with the boys at 2am on a Tuesday.
- Claudia Learns Crochet
- so many moments of "now you see what I've been talking about, right?"

Fan-freaking-tastic.

I dropped her off at the airport tonight and then went to say goodbye to my aunt and uncle, the ones that moved here nine months before I did. They've been such an incredible source of support, and they're moving back to Chicago on Thursday. It's tough for me, to be honest, and all of that saying goodbye in such a short period of time while running on three hours' sleep is even a bit rougher. So, my bed is in my near future, even though I have SO many more things to say.

But I will share this piece of completely awesome news -

I PASSED MY BOARDS.

I am officially a fully-licensed, board-certified, ready-to-roll General Psychiatrist. Cannot beat that.

Sleep

I miss it. Which is why I PTFO'ed last night while thinking, "I should really post somethzzzz..."

Fortunately, Lucky, our new cat, cannot let a single 4:30 am go by unnoticed. Even without his bell (because he's figured out how to take his collar off in the past two days. Not okay. He's WAY too stealthy without it) he makes sure Maggie and I are awake to celebrate.

He's such a little pain in the ass at times. A sweet, adorable, totally lovable pain in the ass.

Seriously. Look at this face.

Alright. Enough is enough.

I miss blogging.

A LOT (LOTLOTLOT) has happened since I last wrote.

I took my General Adult Psychiatry Boards.

I decided to stay in North Carolina Chicago North Carolina Chicago North Carolina after graduation in July.

I went on job interviews. In Chicago.

I have a cat.

I turned 33.

I had really awful migraines like all the time. (They're better now, ever since...)

I gave up gluten.

I had a crisis of...something.

My car is perpetually flooded now.

I worked a lot.

I knitted stuff.

And, like, a million other things.

I meant to get back to blogging in September. Then, October. Then, you know, November is NaBloPoMo, which is the daily blog posting thing that really got this blog going in the first place. But, you know....it's been stressful here.

We'll talk more, though.

I think I'm back.

Come on, Irene

I think the hurricane has left NC.

It was quite anti-climactic here in the Triangle.

I'm exhausted, because I was on at New State Hospital last night and totally overcaffeineated myself and so now haven't slept since 6:30 yesterday morning. So, I'm going to go to bed. But we are all doing just fine here. Maggie's totally chilled out. Even the motorcycle made it through without blowing over.

I will leave you with this, one final act of rebellion against my "no people on the blog" rule before I go medicate myself into Morpheus' realm - My coffee shop buddy Chris put this together today after watching several hours of totally ludicrous weather-related coverage. I think it sums up the aftermath of the hurricane (here, two and a half hours inland) quite well....