Sunday, February 09, 2014

Good Morning, Sunshine.

So I woke up this morning, and the first tendrils of daylight were creeping across the inky sky. I could've stayed in my oceanfront room and watched the return of the light, but it just isn't the same as being actually on the beach. So I dragged my butt out of my warm bed (it was a rough, restless night) and down to the sand in the 30 degree weather. I bundled and climbed up to perch on the lifeguard tower (technically not allowed. Oopsie). And the sunrise did not disappoint.

I am now back at the local coffee chain (can we get some of these where I work, please?) trying to do a bit more journaling and drinking too much coffee (but it's so GOOD). They even have a gluten-free breakfast sandwich. How cool is that? It's been a good weekend. I did a lot of writing and shot a bunch of pictures and actually did gain some insights this weekend, I think. Yesterday I walked the beach shooting and then wandered down the boardwalk and the little shops by my hotel. I wandered into this shop that looked like the usual jewelry and beachside tchotchkies but also turned out to be full of new age-y things. There I found this ring, as well as a delightful indulgence of my woo-woo side.

The ring is Labradorite, which is supposed to be good for insight and offer protection.The owner also gave me some intuitive advice on a conflict in my life of late. I've been trying to get more in touch with my less concrete, more spiritual side lately. I had a tarot reading a couple of weeks ago, which didn't tell me anything I didn't know but certainly helped catalyze some things. I have been looking into learning to do some energy work (my friend teaches Reiki) and would like to get a meditation practice going for real. I've been reading about being a Highly Sensitive Person and I've picked up a little more Jungian stuff. God and I have always been on good terms, but sometimes I take that for granted. I think I often neglect my more spiritual/mystical side, which I also suspect is a fairly big piece of who I am.

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Happy 2014

I truly have no idea why it's been well over a year since I've blogged. So much has happened. Maybe it's the fact that SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. I think it's felt overwhelming to try to detail what's been going on in my life.

I won't try to give you the full list, because there just isn't enough room on the server. But my dad died in January of last year. I bought a new car just before that. That car was totalled a couple of weeks ago (along with the integrity of my left eighth-or-so rib), and I now have a Subaru, which is what I intended to buy in the first place. I traded the underpowered Honda in for a freaking awesome Harley-Davidson. I dropped that bike, but fortunately she was fixable. I fell tremendously in love, which has turned out to be quite complicated and problematic. I was deeply and terribly hurt by a whole different man, who, well, we're working on repairing that, and making reasonable progress. I have a whole new motorcycle-related family, thanks to the somewhat impulsive purchase of the Harley. My biological family rallied a bit. I've acquired important new friends who feel like family. My Village is going strong. I have a new job...actually, that job turned into a different new job. The new job is not committing fraud like the old job, and this pleases me. Plus I like being a real ACTT doctor, it turns out. The private practice has been...oh, wait, I don't think you knew about the private practice. I joined a private practice as well and that's been in much flux, at my hand. I moved my mom into a different retirement community. I lost sixty pounds (well, 75, but I've gained some of it back over the past couple of months). Olivia is no longer a kitten but a full-grown and hilarious cat. Lucky tends to go by Lou these days (his middle name, of course), and is such a delight. He's by far my best snuggler. Maggie is still the Grande Dame of the house and will be TWELVE next month.

Strangely, as I reflect on this time of love and loss, of tremendous tumult and change and upheaval, it's the past two months that feel like they've been the hardest. I have no explanation for this, except that maybe I forgot how hard things were previously. And, I'm exhausted. But things are leveling out. I'm taking more time to focus on my own needs (which you know I can never identify). I truly feel like I can't see the issue even though it's there in front of me. Which is a weird and unpleasant feeling.

I'm currently writing this from a coffee shop at the beach, by the way. I had lunch with my old officemate earlier this week, who (perhaps inadvertently) suggested I needed to get the hell out of Dodge for a minute. I'd been saying that for months, but something about her suggesting it jarred me loose. So here I am, on my first solo vacation ever. I didn't even bring the dog. I have an oceanfront hotel room for the weekend and my laptop and my journal and my camera, and my phone (to keep me connected to the ones I love). I can't imagine what else I could need. Oh - coffee. Check. I'm hoping to get in some serious reflection and gain a little perspective on my life right now. Here's hoping.

Let's do this.