I truly have no idea why it's been well over a year since I've blogged. So much has happened. Maybe it's the fact that SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. I think it's felt overwhelming to try to detail what's been going on in my life.
I won't try to give you the full list, because there just isn't enough room on the server. But my dad died in January of last year. I bought a new car just before that. That car was totalled a couple of weeks ago (along with the integrity of my left eighth-or-so rib), and I now have a Subaru, which is what I intended to buy in the first place. I traded the underpowered Honda in for a freaking awesome Harley-Davidson. I dropped that bike, but fortunately she was fixable. I fell tremendously in love, which has turned out to be quite complicated and problematic. I was deeply and terribly hurt by a whole different man, who, well, we're working on repairing that, and making reasonable progress. I have a whole new motorcycle-related family, thanks to the somewhat impulsive purchase of the Harley. My biological family rallied a bit. I've acquired important new friends who feel like family. My Village is going strong. I have a new job...actually, that job turned into a different new job. The new job is not committing fraud like the old job, and this pleases me. Plus I like being a real ACTT doctor, it turns out. The private practice has been...oh, wait, I don't think you knew about the private practice. I joined a private practice as well and that's been in much flux, at my hand. I moved my mom into a different retirement community. I lost sixty pounds (well, 75, but I've gained some of it back over the past couple of months). Olivia is no longer a kitten but a full-grown and hilarious cat. Lucky tends to go by Lou these days (his middle name, of course), and is such a delight. He's by far my best snuggler. Maggie is still the Grande Dame of the house and will be TWELVE next month.
Strangely, as I reflect on this time of love and loss, of tremendous tumult and change and upheaval, it's the past two months that feel like they've been the hardest. I have no explanation for this, except that maybe I forgot how hard things were previously. And, I'm exhausted. But things are leveling out. I'm taking more time to focus on my own needs (which you know I can never identify). I truly feel like I can't see the issue even though it's there in front of me. Which is a weird and unpleasant feeling.
I'm currently writing this from a coffee shop at the beach, by the way. I had lunch with my old officemate earlier this week, who (perhaps inadvertently) suggested I needed to get the hell out of Dodge for a minute. I'd been saying that for months, but something about her suggesting it jarred me loose. So here I am, on my first solo vacation ever. I didn't even bring the dog. I have an oceanfront hotel room for the weekend and my laptop and my journal and my camera, and my phone (to keep me connected to the ones I love). I can't imagine what else I could need. Oh - coffee. Check. I'm hoping to get in some serious reflection and gain a little perspective on my life right now. Here's hoping.
Let's do this.