Mags and I have had a busy weekend. Well, me more than her. I could still use a little more weekend, though. I have this dream of some day working four-day weeks...
Yesterday was crazy productive. Went to coffee, picked up my grocery order (my local grocery chain has this setup where you can order ahead online and then pick it up without leaving your car. It's pretty sweet). Went to the Jeep dealership (finally) and got the weird noise checked out (it's only been there for about the last ten thousand miles. I finally got over there because I have 400 miles left on my warranty). Stayed there for longer than I had hoped, where I was held hostage and subjected to multiple episodes of That's So Raven and Hannah Montana on a very large, very loud TV. Now, mind you, no one in the place but me was under 45. Once I successfully avoided gouging my eyes out, I rewarded myself by going and picking up a new pair of riding boots, because apparently I broke my other ones when I fell. I also got a wicked cool $10 tank top at the Harley dealership. I went to the gym, I got stinky, I came home and took a nice long nap and hid under the covers for a while after I woke up, snuggling with my warm puppy. It was lovely.
Today was pretty useful as well. Coffee, breakfast with the crew, Target, the gym...a shower, some laundry, the dishes...not pretty, but it has to be done. Much nicer was finally getting back out on the bike this afternoon. Which, I admit it, there's a problem with that.
I'm scared of the bike.
I don't know why, especially. I'm fine. Yes, I fell off. Yes, falling off a motorcycle at 20 miles an hour or so hurts. But I'm fine. The bike is fine. Everything's f-i-n-e. So what the heck is the problem?? I'm still not sure. But it scares me. I don't feel like I control the bike well (of course I don't. I've ridden less than 150 miles in my whole entire life. No one expects me to be great at this yet). I feel exposed all of a sudden. I feel inadequate and inept. I'm - I'll say it - scared I'm going to die on the dumb thing. All fears I had before, but now I get so anxious at the thought of riding it makes me queasy.
But I got on the bike. And I will continue to get on the bike, riding safely and conservatively, until it doesn't scare me anymore and I'm back to a healthy level of respect for the risk I assume on the bike.
And I'm going to take the class again in April. I think that'll help a lot.