So it's Thanksgiving. And I know I have a LOT for which to be thankful. Texts and phone calls and Facebook messages have been pouring in all day to remind me of the friends and family far away who I miss desperately. This morning I started my day with the Village, as our coffee shop opened from 7-9 to accommodate us (they didn't expressly limit coffee to us, but we like to think we're the reason they opened today). Between Village Thanksgiving last weekend and coffee today, I can't help but feel especially thankful to be part of such an amazing group of friends that feel like family, particularly this time of year. I spoke to my sisters and was reminded of how wonderfully our relationship has grown this year. I am so thankful that's come along so well, and for continuing to know them better as well as my nieces and nephews. I got a text from my godson, who's all married now and headed into the Navy (I still think of him as a toddler, chasing a rabbit around the pine tree in my front yard). I heard from local friends that I adore. And I spent the meal in the community which has helped take such good care of my parents. And then I came home and hung out with the three best pets on the planet. Lucky and Maggie even snuggled up with my at nap time.
Of course I spent a good deal of quality time with my folks today. It's been a rough week for us; my dad fell, of course, and hasn't been feeling very well. Yesterday we were given the opportunity to move him to Assisted Living at the beginning of next month. It's probably greatly overdue for him, and frankly, I'm trying to get my mom in as well, because I think their quality of life would go up so dramatically. My mom especially is resistant, and I think my dad feels a little defeated. This stymies me a little. I think they're mourning the loss of their independence a bit, but I also think they have this idea that it's a nursing home, and it isn't. AL is just that - assistance. And the cold hard fact is that their limitations already exist. Not fun, no one is denying that. But frankly, if I could pay someone to cook me three meals a day and do my laundry and be on demand to meet all my needs, I might be all over that (this place has a SPA, for Pete's sake). And the particularly nice thing is that this AL is in the same building they already live, so my mom can visit all day if she wants. Plus they'll let Maggie visit. It's going to be expensive, but worth every penny, for my dad's comfort as well as my and my mother's peace of mind. Having said all that, it was a very difficult decision to make.
Today was lovely, though. I brought them coffee and breakfast, came home and put the finishing touches on a pie (I was recently reminded of how my grandmother used to make my mom a lemon meringue pie every Thanksgiving from when she was little because she didn't like pumpkin) and went back to share the meal with them. Dad was feeling pretty good today and we all managed to go down to the dining room to enjoy the festivities. It was really delightful. I stayed and visited a while after and then let them rest (and came home and took my own nap). I'm about to head back over there to help my dad get tucked in for the night.
Post nap, I also started putting up my Christmas decorations today! My tree - which I bought last night - looks lovely. And I got all nostalgic pulling heirloom decorations out. I also found our stockings - I need to get another one for Olivia this year. And this year I have a much nicer mantle on which to hang them.
It's a nice little life I have.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Oops.
So I got a little distracted. My sister and niece and great-nephew were in town and we were trying to pack in the family time as much as we could. But I'm back. And so....
1. I'm obviously grateful for family. We had a wonderful visit and it was great to have them here. We covered a lot of ground in a short period of time.
2. I'm grateful for friends who feel like family. Last night was Village Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of the year. We had so much fun. And have so much to be grateful for, as a group. I'm very blessed to have such a solid group of friends.
3. I'm grateful for fire pits, laundry room raves, and people with whom I can be myself (and more than a little silly).
4. I'm grateful for my gluten free life. I indulged last night - I figured it was the one night of the year I could give in and eat gluten - and boy did I pay for it today.
5. I'm grateful for Sunday night dinners and some quality time with my parents.
1. I'm obviously grateful for family. We had a wonderful visit and it was great to have them here. We covered a lot of ground in a short period of time.
2. I'm grateful for friends who feel like family. Last night was Village Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of the year. We had so much fun. And have so much to be grateful for, as a group. I'm very blessed to have such a solid group of friends.
3. I'm grateful for fire pits, laundry room raves, and people with whom I can be myself (and more than a little silly).
4. I'm grateful for my gluten free life. I indulged last night - I figured it was the one night of the year I could give in and eat gluten - and boy did I pay for it today.
5. I'm grateful for Sunday night dinners and some quality time with my parents.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Perspective (just a little)
One of the radio stations I listen to has this Wednesday feature called, "You've got to be kidding me!" where you call up and discuss things that made you angry. It's mostly little annoyances and kind of reminds me of this site. It's funny and everyone understands that you're not like, oh my God, my life is soooo awful because my nail polish turned out to be matte instead of shiny or because you spent an hour shopping and then the grocery store couldn't take credit cards because the computer was down. Total first world problems.
My 8am patient came, but my 9am canceled, so after I wrote my note, etc, I was reading today's "You've got to be kidding me!" posts on Facebook. And there was one from a female soldier that read, "I woke up this morning and I'm still in Afghanistan."
It kind of gave me pause.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think this is a little bitchy. Not for nothin', but you made the choice to join the military. And, yes, people have many different reasons for doing so, and, true, they don't always let you make the decisions about where you go once you're in, but I'm saying, you knew waking up in a war-torn country that resents out presence there was a distinct possibility. And to post it in a forum like this is a little woe-is-me. Not that she's not entitled to it, but, nonetheless.
Still.
I'm looking out over the rolling green hills and bright blue sky of this hot North Carolina day. I'm seeing patients, I'm in the air conditioning, I have cute shoes and manicured nails. And, yes, I have a lot of things to deal with, and yeah, my job can get pretty taxing. But no one is shooting at me.
Well, I do live in the Dirty D. I guess it could happen. But so far it hasn't. And the gangs aren't real big on IEDs, either (pool noodle incident notwithstanding).
I've been obsessing a lot lately about where I want to be when this year ends. What sort of job, what sort of setting, etc, but also where I want to end up geographically. Raleigh? Chicago? New York? Baltimore? In the end, I suspect, it'll come down to where the best offer turns up. But this morning I'm thinking that it's nice to consider whether I'll be shoveling snow or dealing with traffic instead of if I'm going to run over a land mine today or someone is going to throw a grenade at me while I trudge along with 70 pounds of gear on my back in the desert heat.
I was talking to my supervisor a couple of weeks ago about making the decision to stay in the area or go back home, and I told her, it feels like whichever decision I make, it's going to feel like the wrong one. If I stay in NC, I'm going to wish I was in Chicago. If I go to Chicago, I'm going to miss my people (and weather) in NC. This sucks. And her perspective was, well, you could look at it as, whichever place you decide to go, you've got great things going on and great people to be with (there are fewer people there, but the same thing can be said for NYC or Baltimore).
I still don't know what the hell to do. But I'm trying to hold on to the perspective that it's a win-win. Or at least that it could be a lot worse.
My 8am patient came, but my 9am canceled, so after I wrote my note, etc, I was reading today's "You've got to be kidding me!" posts on Facebook. And there was one from a female soldier that read, "I woke up this morning and I'm still in Afghanistan."
It kind of gave me pause.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think this is a little bitchy. Not for nothin', but you made the choice to join the military. And, yes, people have many different reasons for doing so, and, true, they don't always let you make the decisions about where you go once you're in, but I'm saying, you knew waking up in a war-torn country that resents out presence there was a distinct possibility. And to post it in a forum like this is a little woe-is-me. Not that she's not entitled to it, but, nonetheless.
Still.
I'm looking out over the rolling green hills and bright blue sky of this hot North Carolina day. I'm seeing patients, I'm in the air conditioning, I have cute shoes and manicured nails. And, yes, I have a lot of things to deal with, and yeah, my job can get pretty taxing. But no one is shooting at me.
Well, I do live in the Dirty D. I guess it could happen. But so far it hasn't. And the gangs aren't real big on IEDs, either (pool noodle incident notwithstanding).
I've been obsessing a lot lately about where I want to be when this year ends. What sort of job, what sort of setting, etc, but also where I want to end up geographically. Raleigh? Chicago? New York? Baltimore? In the end, I suspect, it'll come down to where the best offer turns up. But this morning I'm thinking that it's nice to consider whether I'll be shoveling snow or dealing with traffic instead of if I'm going to run over a land mine today or someone is going to throw a grenade at me while I trudge along with 70 pounds of gear on my back in the desert heat.
I was talking to my supervisor a couple of weeks ago about making the decision to stay in the area or go back home, and I told her, it feels like whichever decision I make, it's going to feel like the wrong one. If I stay in NC, I'm going to wish I was in Chicago. If I go to Chicago, I'm going to miss my people (and weather) in NC. This sucks. And her perspective was, well, you could look at it as, whichever place you decide to go, you've got great things going on and great people to be with (there are fewer people there, but the same thing can be said for NYC or Baltimore).
I still don't know what the hell to do. But I'm trying to hold on to the perspective that it's a win-win. Or at least that it could be a lot worse.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Prep
So tomorrow is surgery. My mom is a trooper. She's like, okay, bring it on.
We had a nice day today, the four of us. I took Maggie over this morning and she hung out with my mom while my dad and I went to coffee for Father's Day. We had a nice time at coffee. It was the usual Sunday morning crew and they did not disappoint. Plus there was a cheese danish and a tasty cup of coffee in it for him, not to mention a good time playing Matchbox cars with the owners' two year old son. I took him back home (with an oatmeal raisin cookie the size of a hubcap for my mother) and then hit the gym. My trainer and I had a good workout, which included a lot of time throwing things at him. I picked up lunch for my folks and myself, and we hung out a while. My mom and I cleaned out my car and made a trip to their garage.
I came back home and decided I would finally try and jump start the bike. Which...didn't go so well. At first I couldn't get the seat off (the battery's underneath the seat). So I called Jen, who was awesome and came over to help. While she was on her way I remembered the owner's manual sitting on my dresser, and discovered that getting the seat off a Harley is surprisingly uncomplicated. But it was good that Jen came anyway, because then I couldn't figure out how to get to the battery. The owner's manual was COMPLETELY USELESS for this. We futzed. We poked. I swore a lot. We couldn't make the picture match the scenario in front of us. At which point we invoked my Harley Roadside Assistance, which, it turns out, only tows the bike, no matter what's wrong with it. So we called the Harley dealership in Raleigh and the guy tried to talk us through taking the battery out. We tried and poked and shoved and prodded and I swore some more, but we couldn't get the damn thing out. Which is frustrating, because how am I supposed to get the thing out to charge it in the winter?! We finally gave up. I will probably throw in the towel and tow the bike to the dealership...next weekend. And while I'm there, I'll make them teach me how to take out the damn battery.
I went and got my nails done after Jen left and the guy commented on the grease under my nails. I just smiled and shrugged. I picked a nice shade of breast-cancer-awareness pink and pretty soon the grease was gone. I picked up dinner on the way back to my folks' and we had the best pizza for dinner that Durham has to offer (my folks finally got the sausage pizza they've been unable to find at the grocery store, and I got my very favorite: Chicago-style deep dish - it's not stuffed, but it's a reasonable approximation of Chicago pan pizza - with broccoli, green peppers, and feta cheese. Seriously, it's the best thing ever). My mom and dad added some Texas Toast they had in the freezer and we had a nice little meal. We watched some SVU and played with Maggie. We planned for the morning and Mags and I came on home.
It was a good Sunday.
Will keep y'all posted tomorrow.
We had a nice day today, the four of us. I took Maggie over this morning and she hung out with my mom while my dad and I went to coffee for Father's Day. We had a nice time at coffee. It was the usual Sunday morning crew and they did not disappoint. Plus there was a cheese danish and a tasty cup of coffee in it for him, not to mention a good time playing Matchbox cars with the owners' two year old son. I took him back home (with an oatmeal raisin cookie the size of a hubcap for my mother) and then hit the gym. My trainer and I had a good workout, which included a lot of time throwing things at him. I picked up lunch for my folks and myself, and we hung out a while. My mom and I cleaned out my car and made a trip to their garage.
I came back home and decided I would finally try and jump start the bike. Which...didn't go so well. At first I couldn't get the seat off (the battery's underneath the seat). So I called Jen, who was awesome and came over to help. While she was on her way I remembered the owner's manual sitting on my dresser, and discovered that getting the seat off a Harley is surprisingly uncomplicated. But it was good that Jen came anyway, because then I couldn't figure out how to get to the battery. The owner's manual was COMPLETELY USELESS for this. We futzed. We poked. I swore a lot. We couldn't make the picture match the scenario in front of us. At which point we invoked my Harley Roadside Assistance, which, it turns out, only tows the bike, no matter what's wrong with it. So we called the Harley dealership in Raleigh and the guy tried to talk us through taking the battery out. We tried and poked and shoved and prodded and I swore some more, but we couldn't get the damn thing out. Which is frustrating, because how am I supposed to get the thing out to charge it in the winter?! We finally gave up. I will probably throw in the towel and tow the bike to the dealership...next weekend. And while I'm there, I'll make them teach me how to take out the damn battery.
I went and got my nails done after Jen left and the guy commented on the grease under my nails. I just smiled and shrugged. I picked a nice shade of breast-cancer-awareness pink and pretty soon the grease was gone. I picked up dinner on the way back to my folks' and we had the best pizza for dinner that Durham has to offer (my folks finally got the sausage pizza they've been unable to find at the grocery store, and I got my very favorite: Chicago-style deep dish - it's not stuffed, but it's a reasonable approximation of Chicago pan pizza - with broccoli, green peppers, and feta cheese. Seriously, it's the best thing ever). My mom and dad added some Texas Toast they had in the freezer and we had a nice little meal. We watched some SVU and played with Maggie. We planned for the morning and Mags and I came on home.
It was a good Sunday.
Will keep y'all posted tomorrow.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Hot in Durham
It's hot in my house.
84 degrees, to be precise. Our air conditioner must've gone out today.
Bleh. Hopefully they'll fix it tomorrow. I called and left a "we're so hot!" voicemail on the maintenance line.
Bleh.
In less "bleh" news, I had a great weekend. My uncle and my cousin came in for graduation. Graduation itself was a pretty fun thing. Long, but fun. One of these days I'll write an actual post about the graduation ceremony, but I'm hot and I want to go to bed.
My uncle left Saturday and was definitely not here long enough. It was really good to see him - it's been over a year. I think he was a little anxious about seeing my mom sick, but I think he was pleased with her progress and all and all it was a very positive visit. My cousin stuck around until today. We had a great Sunday - breakfast out, coffee with the Villagers (including Misty's new puppy, who is so cute it might overload your brain), a jaunt around Raleigh, a visit to the State Hospital campus, a trip to the Harley Davidson store, and a stroll around the State Farmer's Market. We hung out with my parents a bit, and then had dinner at a place I'd not tried before, but with which I was really pretty impressed. She came to coffee again this morning to meet the AM crew. It was great to see her. She's been such a huge support for me.
Today was super productive. I got a lot done at work, including 53 minutes of actual psychiatry. But I also replaced my ID badge, did all my little hospital educational crap, got my motorcycle parking pass, re-joined the APA (my membership lapsed), filled out two separate applications for moonlighting, ate a little lunch, did a little therapy....
Not bad for a Monday.
Here's hoping I don't melt before Tuesday....
84 degrees, to be precise. Our air conditioner must've gone out today.
Bleh. Hopefully they'll fix it tomorrow. I called and left a "we're so hot!" voicemail on the maintenance line.
Bleh.
In less "bleh" news, I had a great weekend. My uncle and my cousin came in for graduation. Graduation itself was a pretty fun thing. Long, but fun. One of these days I'll write an actual post about the graduation ceremony, but I'm hot and I want to go to bed.
My uncle left Saturday and was definitely not here long enough. It was really good to see him - it's been over a year. I think he was a little anxious about seeing my mom sick, but I think he was pleased with her progress and all and all it was a very positive visit. My cousin stuck around until today. We had a great Sunday - breakfast out, coffee with the Villagers (including Misty's new puppy, who is so cute it might overload your brain), a jaunt around Raleigh, a visit to the State Hospital campus, a trip to the Harley Davidson store, and a stroll around the State Farmer's Market. We hung out with my parents a bit, and then had dinner at a place I'd not tried before, but with which I was really pretty impressed. She came to coffee again this morning to meet the AM crew. It was great to see her. She's been such a huge support for me.
Today was super productive. I got a lot done at work, including 53 minutes of actual psychiatry. But I also replaced my ID badge, did all my little hospital educational crap, got my motorcycle parking pass, re-joined the APA (my membership lapsed), filled out two separate applications for moonlighting, ate a little lunch, did a little therapy....
Not bad for a Monday.
Here's hoping I don't melt before Tuesday....
Saturday, June 11, 2011
What a great weekend.
Family in town. Graduation last night. Will write more about it soon, but right now just exhausted and happy.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Mom's day
It was a nice Sunday today. Took my parents breakfast, then my mom and I went to coffee. She got to meet a little more of the Village and see people she knew and likes and doesn't get to see very often. She reported that she had fun, and I believe her (I did, too). We got to spend some quality mom-and-daughter time while Maggie dad-sat (he and I got some time in over lunch, too, don't worry). In the afternoon I went to a friend's graduation party, which was at this brewery in town which is pretty unique. All they serve is beer, so they actually encourage you to bring food in - so we moved in with our pig-pickin' and potluck (which was originally scheduled to be in a park). And they advertise themselves as a "kid and dog friendly" establishment, which meant I got to bring Maggie. She ate some pork, got lots of love and attention, met some other dogs, and thoroughly wore herself out.
All in all it was a good day, with family, friends, and even some time with my own "baby." Can't beat that...
All in all it was a good day, with family, friends, and even some time with my own "baby." Can't beat that...
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter
What a great day.
Met with my trainer first thing this morning. The gym was so empty! We had a great session, and he even let me throw things at him at the end (always a good day). Was gross and sweaty, but went to coffee anyway. Today was mostly just the Village, which was sort of nice. Had a skinny caramel latte to celebrate the beautiful Spring day. Had a really good time with my friends. Stayed a little too long.
Ran home and showered, made it to Shady Pines before the priest from the local Greek Orthodox church came to do a shut-in visit for my parents. It was actually quite a lovely visit. I hadn't met him before, but he was a really nice man. We sang Christos Anesti, prayed a little, and then he gave them communion, and me too - I told him I felt weird about it - I'm no exactly a shut-in - but he said some very kind and convincing things.
Afterwards we went to the Easter brunch at SP. We sat with two of the friends my parents sit with for dinner most nights. They're adorable. They've been married for 68 years. Sixty-eight! It's amazing, really. I can't even get my head around how you meet someone at 17 and know they're the one you're going to be old with, have kids and a life and cancer with. And they're just totally cute as anything. We should all be half as lucky. She's dealing with breast cancer now, too, and is a few months ahead of my mom in terms of the schedule of things. She's doing so well. She's a great influence for my mom, I think. A good support and a great role model.
After lunch I brought Maggie home and then - for the first time in like six weeks - I went out on the bike. It went pretty well. The ride was beautiful, down by the lake and out in the country. I got a little lost, and ended up at the hospital. I can get home from there in my sleep (and probably have), but it required me to ride on a couple of big roads. Funny, they weren't as scary as I was anticipating. Especially after I'd found myself in a couple of 55 mph zones out in the country. I did a pretty good job, mechanically speaking, too. I only stalled the bike out twice, had one ugly turn and one sketchy downshift. I've got to start getting out on the bike regularly again. After all, there's only one way I'm going to get good at this.
The rest of my day was less exciting - cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, made lunch salads for the week, etc. But on the whole, it was a very lovely Sunday. And a good Easter.
Met with my trainer first thing this morning. The gym was so empty! We had a great session, and he even let me throw things at him at the end (always a good day). Was gross and sweaty, but went to coffee anyway. Today was mostly just the Village, which was sort of nice. Had a skinny caramel latte to celebrate the beautiful Spring day. Had a really good time with my friends. Stayed a little too long.
Ran home and showered, made it to Shady Pines before the priest from the local Greek Orthodox church came to do a shut-in visit for my parents. It was actually quite a lovely visit. I hadn't met him before, but he was a really nice man. We sang Christos Anesti, prayed a little, and then he gave them communion, and me too - I told him I felt weird about it - I'm no exactly a shut-in - but he said some very kind and convincing things.
Afterwards we went to the Easter brunch at SP. We sat with two of the friends my parents sit with for dinner most nights. They're adorable. They've been married for 68 years. Sixty-eight! It's amazing, really. I can't even get my head around how you meet someone at 17 and know they're the one you're going to be old with, have kids and a life and cancer with. And they're just totally cute as anything. We should all be half as lucky. She's dealing with breast cancer now, too, and is a few months ahead of my mom in terms of the schedule of things. She's doing so well. She's a great influence for my mom, I think. A good support and a great role model.
After lunch I brought Maggie home and then - for the first time in like six weeks - I went out on the bike. It went pretty well. The ride was beautiful, down by the lake and out in the country. I got a little lost, and ended up at the hospital. I can get home from there in my sleep (and probably have), but it required me to ride on a couple of big roads. Funny, they weren't as scary as I was anticipating. Especially after I'd found myself in a couple of 55 mph zones out in the country. I did a pretty good job, mechanically speaking, too. I only stalled the bike out twice, had one ugly turn and one sketchy downshift. I've got to start getting out on the bike regularly again. After all, there's only one way I'm going to get good at this.
The rest of my day was less exciting - cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, made lunch salads for the week, etc. But on the whole, it was a very lovely Sunday. And a good Easter.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sunday, January 09, 2011
The dog ate my post.
No she didn't. But Blogger did. I have no idea what happened to the - short and relatively uninteresting - post that I wrote yesterday. But, like I said - short and uninteresting, so, not really a big loss.
It's been a nice weekend. Lots of time with friends and with my parents. Maggie finally got a bath yesterday. We went to a new groomer - a friend of Garth's - who was fantastic, and who rides a motorcycle. She was great, and Miss Mags is all fluffy and good-smelling and soft again. It's lovely.
Bill had a gallery showing yesterday, which was a lot of fun. He's been taking a photography class, and one of his submissions won in the class competition in the Abstract category. It's a beautiful macro shot of bubbles in amber glass. So they had a little reception and showing for all the winners in the college library. A bunch of us went to support him (except for the two of us who were at two separate funerals. Which I fine eerie). It was neat, and some of the photos were really fabulous. (I'll be honest. A few left me thinking, "I've got much better shots than that...")
I did get out on the bike for a minute yesterday. Something still doesn't feel right. I don't think it's just anxiety. Garth and Bill have both offered to ride it for me and check it out, and I'll probably take them both up on it. We'll see, I guess. Alls I know is that two miles I rode yesterday was hell for uncomfortable.
Today was mostly errands. Coffee, then laundry, groceries, etc. More time with friends and family.
All in all, a good weekend. I could still use a little more, but then, when is that not true....?
It's been a nice weekend. Lots of time with friends and with my parents. Maggie finally got a bath yesterday. We went to a new groomer - a friend of Garth's - who was fantastic, and who rides a motorcycle. She was great, and Miss Mags is all fluffy and good-smelling and soft again. It's lovely.
Bill had a gallery showing yesterday, which was a lot of fun. He's been taking a photography class, and one of his submissions won in the class competition in the Abstract category. It's a beautiful macro shot of bubbles in amber glass. So they had a little reception and showing for all the winners in the college library. A bunch of us went to support him (except for the two of us who were at two separate funerals. Which I fine eerie). It was neat, and some of the photos were really fabulous. (I'll be honest. A few left me thinking, "I've got much better shots than that...")
I did get out on the bike for a minute yesterday. Something still doesn't feel right. I don't think it's just anxiety. Garth and Bill have both offered to ride it for me and check it out, and I'll probably take them both up on it. We'll see, I guess. Alls I know is that two miles I rode yesterday was hell for uncomfortable.
Today was mostly errands. Coffee, then laundry, groceries, etc. More time with friends and family.
All in all, a good weekend. I could still use a little more, but then, when is that not true....?
Monday, January 03, 2011
Resolved. Or, well, not.
So day two of the year I decide I want to go back to daily blogging, and what do I do? Fall asleep at 6:30 pm. And then I woke up at 7:15, but was asleep again by 8:30. So instead, I give you a gratuitous picture of my dog. Can't go wrong there.
There may be a lot of gratuitous dog pictures this year, I'm just warnin' ya...
But, I'm going to try it again. Because I like the whole daily blogging thing. Unfortunately, Blog 365 seems to have gone under. I'm sure I can manage on my own, however.
The weekend was both delightful and exhausting. Jen had a brunch on Saturday, and was kind enough to invite my parents. Which was a lot of fun. They seemed really pleased to be invited, and seemed to enjoy themselves. It was quite an undertaking, getting them there, particularly with my mom's mobility being so limited. But we managed, and in fact did it again on Sunday, when I had my folks and the coffee crew over to my house for a pizza lunch.
My mom and dad wanted to meet these people I spend so much time with. I mean, I know I'm 32, but I'm sure it's still nice to know who you kid spends her time with, especially when they do things like talk her into buying a motorcycle which she then falls off of. So we all got together and ate take-and-bake pizza. It was a good time, which, we always have fun.
Today was my first day back at work. I think another week would've been just about enough vacation. Alas, though, back I went. The morning was a little hectic; the afternoon I spent much of in the ER. My shoulder's still hurting a lot, so much that it woke me up this morning. And then when I was on my way in to work something popped, and I had a lot of point tenderness, so I finally just gave up and had a non-me practitioner look at it. Took a lot of pictures of my shoulder and my hand, concluded both and my ankle were sprained. Got a sling (which I won't wear) and a prescription (which I'll use minimally). So at least I know it's not broken.
But if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy my Vicoden...
There may be a lot of gratuitous dog pictures this year, I'm just warnin' ya...
But, I'm going to try it again. Because I like the whole daily blogging thing. Unfortunately, Blog 365 seems to have gone under. I'm sure I can manage on my own, however.
The weekend was both delightful and exhausting. Jen had a brunch on Saturday, and was kind enough to invite my parents. Which was a lot of fun. They seemed really pleased to be invited, and seemed to enjoy themselves. It was quite an undertaking, getting them there, particularly with my mom's mobility being so limited. But we managed, and in fact did it again on Sunday, when I had my folks and the coffee crew over to my house for a pizza lunch.
My mom and dad wanted to meet these people I spend so much time with. I mean, I know I'm 32, but I'm sure it's still nice to know who you kid spends her time with, especially when they do things like talk her into buying a motorcycle which she then falls off of. So we all got together and ate take-and-bake pizza. It was a good time, which, we always have fun.
Today was my first day back at work. I think another week would've been just about enough vacation. Alas, though, back I went. The morning was a little hectic; the afternoon I spent much of in the ER. My shoulder's still hurting a lot, so much that it woke me up this morning. And then when I was on my way in to work something popped, and I had a lot of point tenderness, so I finally just gave up and had a non-me practitioner look at it. Took a lot of pictures of my shoulder and my hand, concluded both and my ankle were sprained. Got a sling (which I won't wear) and a prescription (which I'll use minimally). So at least I know it's not broken.
But if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy my Vicoden...
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Happy Merry
I can't believe I haven't blogged since Wednesday. Thursday was my last day of work for TEN DAYS. Did I mention that? Ten whole days! Thursday was a little rough, but the situation at work will be changing when I get back, in what I hope will be a positive way.
Friday was excellent. Coffee was languorous and led to breakfast at the little Greek place nearby. I came home, I wrapped presents. And then I went out on the bike. I went 13 whole miles!! On real roads! In traffic! I was excited. And I gassed up the bike for the first time! By myself! Without overflowing the tank!! It was excellent. But when I came home, my legs were pretty cold (note to self: I have GOT to get some motorcycle pants already!!). So I crawled under the blankets in my bed. And was still cold. And was lying there being cold when the doorbell rang. Who could it be, I wondered. When I opened the door, there was a box. And in the box?? A fleece blanket!! The second half of my unexpected Christmas gift from Claudia.
Talk about psychic. What great timing! It warmed me right up when combined with my comforter. So much so that I PTFO'd. Zzzzzz.....
I woke up in time to go to dinner at Shady Pines. My mom made cookies yesterday, so they were still a little warm when I got there (YES, for those of you who are interested, it's true. The chocolate chip cookies continue!! She just uses the mixer now). Dinner with their friends was lovely. Came home, more zzzs.
Christmas morning I could NOT get up. In spite of having something awesome to go to! I finally dragged myself out of bed for reals (this was, like, the third attempt) around 9 (Maggie was like, whew, finally!!). I went over to Larry's to wish his cats a Merry Christmas (and also fill their food dishes), and they were so excited to see me. Despite being mostly a dog person, I've actually come to adore his cats. The little calico is all kittenish and playful, and she spent quite a bit of time chasing my fingers and purring like a motorboat. The black cat, who is long haired and soft and just gorgeous but who also sheds like a fiend, had previously been apprehensive of me and my smells-like-a-big-dog self. He appears to have gotten over this. He is all love and snuggles and even let me pick him up today.
I left them and went to Richard and Nellie's house. Since the coffee shop is closed on Christmas, they had us all over for coffee. Not to mention cinnamon rolls, eggs, and hash browns. Richard, of course, is Jen's ex-husband. Who lives next door to Jen's mom. And they still hang out with Jen and Bill. It's all very absurd and of course they get along beautifully. It's a nice lesson in how to be an ex, frankly. Anywho, it was such a wonderful time. Kim and Quinn came by, Garth and Ginny, several other friends, and one of my favorite Villagers who is going to school up north and I don't get to see him nearly enough. Oh, my heavens, it was such a lovely time. Oh, and there was this cocoa...Richard's secret recipe....it was like drinking a Hershey bar, but better. Wow, so good.
I left there, picked up Maggie, and we went to Shady Pines. We opened presents, kibbitzed a bit, and then shared a Christmas meal with two of my parents' friends. Which was also lovely. The staff was great, the food was good, and some random staff member (I think he's a maintenance guy, actually) played Christmas carols on the new Steinway that was just donated to SP by the local Maggiano's, of all places. I hung out with the folks for another three or four hours, catching up on gossip and talking about the relocation and our life as it is now. My uncle called. My dad napped. Maggie intermittently demonstrated her new knowledge of "gimme your paw." It was really wonderful.
I came home from there via the cats (Mags, much to her disappointment, stayed in the car) and then decided I was going to put an hour into cleaning the house. I made it about 45 minutes, but decided I'd done enough to go over to Garth and Sherry's. Where we were again joined by Ginny, Jen, and Bill. Bill immediately peeled off to go play Xbox with their 14 year old son, and the rest of us drank wine and ate chocolate truffles and told stories. It was the perfect cap to a wonderful day.
The only thing that would've made it better would have been having all of our Chicago and Ohio friends and family nearby, and everyone else who is dear to us. Merry Christmas, y'all!!
Friday was excellent. Coffee was languorous and led to breakfast at the little Greek place nearby. I came home, I wrapped presents. And then I went out on the bike. I went 13 whole miles!! On real roads! In traffic! I was excited. And I gassed up the bike for the first time! By myself! Without overflowing the tank!! It was excellent. But when I came home, my legs were pretty cold (note to self: I have GOT to get some motorcycle pants already!!). So I crawled under the blankets in my bed. And was still cold. And was lying there being cold when the doorbell rang. Who could it be, I wondered. When I opened the door, there was a box. And in the box?? A fleece blanket!! The second half of my unexpected Christmas gift from Claudia.
Talk about psychic. What great timing! It warmed me right up when combined with my comforter. So much so that I PTFO'd. Zzzzzz.....
I woke up in time to go to dinner at Shady Pines. My mom made cookies yesterday, so they were still a little warm when I got there (YES, for those of you who are interested, it's true. The chocolate chip cookies continue!! She just uses the mixer now). Dinner with their friends was lovely. Came home, more zzzs.
Christmas morning I could NOT get up. In spite of having something awesome to go to! I finally dragged myself out of bed for reals (this was, like, the third attempt) around 9 (Maggie was like, whew, finally!!). I went over to Larry's to wish his cats a Merry Christmas (and also fill their food dishes), and they were so excited to see me. Despite being mostly a dog person, I've actually come to adore his cats. The little calico is all kittenish and playful, and she spent quite a bit of time chasing my fingers and purring like a motorboat. The black cat, who is long haired and soft and just gorgeous but who also sheds like a fiend, had previously been apprehensive of me and my smells-like-a-big-dog self. He appears to have gotten over this. He is all love and snuggles and even let me pick him up today.
I left them and went to Richard and Nellie's house. Since the coffee shop is closed on Christmas, they had us all over for coffee. Not to mention cinnamon rolls, eggs, and hash browns. Richard, of course, is Jen's ex-husband. Who lives next door to Jen's mom. And they still hang out with Jen and Bill. It's all very absurd and of course they get along beautifully. It's a nice lesson in how to be an ex, frankly. Anywho, it was such a wonderful time. Kim and Quinn came by, Garth and Ginny, several other friends, and one of my favorite Villagers who is going to school up north and I don't get to see him nearly enough. Oh, my heavens, it was such a lovely time. Oh, and there was this cocoa...Richard's secret recipe....it was like drinking a Hershey bar, but better. Wow, so good.
I left there, picked up Maggie, and we went to Shady Pines. We opened presents, kibbitzed a bit, and then shared a Christmas meal with two of my parents' friends. Which was also lovely. The staff was great, the food was good, and some random staff member (I think he's a maintenance guy, actually) played Christmas carols on the new Steinway that was just donated to SP by the local Maggiano's, of all places. I hung out with the folks for another three or four hours, catching up on gossip and talking about the relocation and our life as it is now. My uncle called. My dad napped. Maggie intermittently demonstrated her new knowledge of "gimme your paw." It was really wonderful.
I came home from there via the cats (Mags, much to her disappointment, stayed in the car) and then decided I was going to put an hour into cleaning the house. I made it about 45 minutes, but decided I'd done enough to go over to Garth and Sherry's. Where we were again joined by Ginny, Jen, and Bill. Bill immediately peeled off to go play Xbox with their 14 year old son, and the rest of us drank wine and ate chocolate truffles and told stories. It was the perfect cap to a wonderful day.
The only thing that would've made it better would have been having all of our Chicago and Ohio friends and family nearby, and everyone else who is dear to us. Merry Christmas, y'all!!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Saturday
What a great day. I needed one of those.
I've been bound and determined to ride the bike all the way to the coffee shop for about two weeks now. Last week, of course, it was too cold, but this morning, I decided, I could handle it. It was only about five degrees warmer, but I finally picked up my spiffy new armored, textile, winter-weight jacket the other day, and knew this time to wear a scarf, and put a second pair of gloves on under my motorcycle gloves. No problem, right?
Eh, it was still chilly. But I did it!
I rode the whole mile and a half on real roads with cars and things to the coffee shop. I parked the bike. I walked in...and looked at my watch. And realized I was there a good half hour before anyone else usually got there.
Oops.
But I got my (decaf) mocha, and hung out, and eventually the crew trickled in. All were pleased with my accomplishment. Larry - who hadn't yet met the bike - and Bill came out, sat on it, kicked the tires, looked at stuff. We hung out for a while, and then I rode it back home and swapped it out for the Jeep, so we could head over to the third annual Charity Breakfast With Santa that the Housestaff Council was hosting. I've worked it (and helped run it) the last two years, but this year, I finally said no. Still, I wanted to support the cause, and so the whole lot of us - me, Jen, Bill, Garth, Larry, and Ginny - went over, bearing canned goods and our nominal donations.
Residents were $5 at the door; others are $10. Now, in previous years, when *I* was working the door, if a resident came with a group of family members, friends, or whatever, I'd charge them all the $5 rate, especially if they came in with a sizable food or toy donation to the charities in question, and also if they were a particular friend to the Housestaff Council (like, say, last year's vice president). This time, however, I was not working the door. So I was told I could bring my spouse in for $5, but that was it. I turned to the group and said, "Who wants to be my husband?" So Larry was my temporary spouse. Which is lucky, because he ended up having to pay for me since I didn't have any cash.
We had a lovely time. The boys ate quite a lot of bacon. We saw some friends from work. I had really good eggs. None of us got our picture taken with Santa, however.
I came back home and got back on the bike. Drove it around the neighborhood a little bit, and then expanded my circle. I went on bigger roads this time. With more cars and things. And faster!
It's so funny. I get nervous about things like stopping and starting. Like, I worry when I know I'm going to have to stop and turn up ahead. But when I actually go to do them, it turns out fine. I make my turns. I slow down and stop and start back up again. I get my feet out of the way and back on the pegs. And while I don't have that muscle memory quite down yet, I'm getting the hang of things, enough that I can start worrying about things like sight lines and traffic and what part of the lane in which to travel. And there's this curious, whole-body intuitiveness to riding that's so different from being in a car. On the bike? It's a little more like...just being. You move, and the bike moves with you. You want to turn? Lean over. You want to swerve around a little pothole in the road? You just sort of wiggle your body the right way. All four of your limbs have a job, and they work together. You feel the road, you feel the wind. Today, when I got over 50 mph, I realized what it really meant that my coat and my body would act like a sail. I mean, I understood it conceptually when I read it, sure. But today I felt it.
It was awfully chilly, though. But I also discovered that if I pull my knees in more, I can warm up my legs with the heat from my engine. Sometimes that "air cooled" thing is a real bonus.
I got home, and swapped out the bike for the Jeep again. Just in time, too, because as I was backing out of my parking space it started to rain. I ran over to the local Harley dealership, because I'd ordered a copy of the owner's manual for my bike and it had come in. So while I was there, I also picked up a neck warmer (its pink!) and a set of glove liners. The cashier and I had a nice conversation about our respective Sportsters. I have a 2007 extra low - she has the 2005 custom. She gave me some welcome props for riding in this weather. I pointed out that right now, the biggest thing I need to be doing is just staying on the bike regularly. I may not have gone for super long rides today, but it all adds up.
I made a wrong turn and took the scenic way home, which was fine with me. I hung out with the dog a bit, did some dishes, cleaned the kitchen, and then my godbrother (we have the same godparents) came down from Virginia to visit. It was interesting, actually - we figured that we haven't seen each other in person in about 15 years or so, but we're Facebook friends and he reads my blog (hi, cuz), and so it wasn't weird at all, once I got over the whole, "Wait. You're standing in my living room" phenomena. We had a really nice time. Had dinner, got coffee, hung out for a while with my parents. Caught up, talked about family, talked about new stuff, talked about old times. It was quite lovely. And a nice way to end the day.
Mike is having his annual Christmas bash tonight, and I'd planned on going, but I'm still a little wiped out, and so I think I'm just going to bed. It was so nice to just have a nice day after the week I've had.
I've been bound and determined to ride the bike all the way to the coffee shop for about two weeks now. Last week, of course, it was too cold, but this morning, I decided, I could handle it. It was only about five degrees warmer, but I finally picked up my spiffy new armored, textile, winter-weight jacket the other day, and knew this time to wear a scarf, and put a second pair of gloves on under my motorcycle gloves. No problem, right?
Eh, it was still chilly. But I did it!
I rode the whole mile and a half on real roads with cars and things to the coffee shop. I parked the bike. I walked in...and looked at my watch. And realized I was there a good half hour before anyone else usually got there.
Oops.
But I got my (decaf) mocha, and hung out, and eventually the crew trickled in. All were pleased with my accomplishment. Larry - who hadn't yet met the bike - and Bill came out, sat on it, kicked the tires, looked at stuff. We hung out for a while, and then I rode it back home and swapped it out for the Jeep, so we could head over to the third annual Charity Breakfast With Santa that the Housestaff Council was hosting. I've worked it (and helped run it) the last two years, but this year, I finally said no. Still, I wanted to support the cause, and so the whole lot of us - me, Jen, Bill, Garth, Larry, and Ginny - went over, bearing canned goods and our nominal donations.
Residents were $5 at the door; others are $10. Now, in previous years, when *I* was working the door, if a resident came with a group of family members, friends, or whatever, I'd charge them all the $5 rate, especially if they came in with a sizable food or toy donation to the charities in question, and also if they were a particular friend to the Housestaff Council (like, say, last year's vice president). This time, however, I was not working the door. So I was told I could bring my spouse in for $5, but that was it. I turned to the group and said, "Who wants to be my husband?" So Larry was my temporary spouse. Which is lucky, because he ended up having to pay for me since I didn't have any cash.
We had a lovely time. The boys ate quite a lot of bacon. We saw some friends from work. I had really good eggs. None of us got our picture taken with Santa, however.
I came back home and got back on the bike. Drove it around the neighborhood a little bit, and then expanded my circle. I went on bigger roads this time. With more cars and things. And faster!
It's so funny. I get nervous about things like stopping and starting. Like, I worry when I know I'm going to have to stop and turn up ahead. But when I actually go to do them, it turns out fine. I make my turns. I slow down and stop and start back up again. I get my feet out of the way and back on the pegs. And while I don't have that muscle memory quite down yet, I'm getting the hang of things, enough that I can start worrying about things like sight lines and traffic and what part of the lane in which to travel. And there's this curious, whole-body intuitiveness to riding that's so different from being in a car. On the bike? It's a little more like...just being. You move, and the bike moves with you. You want to turn? Lean over. You want to swerve around a little pothole in the road? You just sort of wiggle your body the right way. All four of your limbs have a job, and they work together. You feel the road, you feel the wind. Today, when I got over 50 mph, I realized what it really meant that my coat and my body would act like a sail. I mean, I understood it conceptually when I read it, sure. But today I felt it.
It was awfully chilly, though. But I also discovered that if I pull my knees in more, I can warm up my legs with the heat from my engine. Sometimes that "air cooled" thing is a real bonus.
I got home, and swapped out the bike for the Jeep again. Just in time, too, because as I was backing out of my parking space it started to rain. I ran over to the local Harley dealership, because I'd ordered a copy of the owner's manual for my bike and it had come in. So while I was there, I also picked up a neck warmer (its pink!) and a set of glove liners. The cashier and I had a nice conversation about our respective Sportsters. I have a 2007 extra low - she has the 2005 custom. She gave me some welcome props for riding in this weather. I pointed out that right now, the biggest thing I need to be doing is just staying on the bike regularly. I may not have gone for super long rides today, but it all adds up.
I made a wrong turn and took the scenic way home, which was fine with me. I hung out with the dog a bit, did some dishes, cleaned the kitchen, and then my godbrother (we have the same godparents) came down from Virginia to visit. It was interesting, actually - we figured that we haven't seen each other in person in about 15 years or so, but we're Facebook friends and he reads my blog (hi, cuz), and so it wasn't weird at all, once I got over the whole, "Wait. You're standing in my living room" phenomena. We had a really nice time. Had dinner, got coffee, hung out for a while with my parents. Caught up, talked about family, talked about new stuff, talked about old times. It was quite lovely. And a nice way to end the day.
Mike is having his annual Christmas bash tonight, and I'd planned on going, but I'm still a little wiped out, and so I think I'm just going to bed. It was so nice to just have a nice day after the week I've had.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
It's my blog, and I'll whine if I want to
So this particular blog entry comes with a disclaimer. Believe it or not, I keep a lot of personal shit off the blog. But I'm having one of those days weeks months moments when I just...don't care. To the best of my knowledge, no one who's about to be mentioned reads my blog, so it's probably not you (although you may know the players involved, keep it to yourself). No, I don't know that I want to talk about it. I just want to bitch.
I'm not doing so well. I'm going to be honest. I'm in a pretty dark place right now. I generally hold up the facade remarkably well, and even that is starting to falter. I'm finding myself much more negative these days than I want to be.
Friday was a horrible day. I got chewed out at work by my boss. I cried in her office for 45 minutes, after which I ran into the person I least wanted to see right then and had to walk straight into a family meeting. What almost makes it worse for me is that she thinks she's helping. I'm not going to perseverate any longer on whether she's right or wrong or just looking at part of the picture, because it's irrelevant. Yes, I'm off my game at work, because my entire life seems to be busy imploding. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm saying please give me some consideration for the fact that many people would not look okay from day to day. Please hear me when I say I don't understand what I'm doing wrong in any sort of prospective way. Please understand that I'm a little bit fragile right now and treat me accordingly. And know that my professional identity is such a part of the core of who I am, that right now I'm going to internalize every moment of potential criticism.
Friday after work, I spent an hour sitting outside the hospital in my car waiting for them to discharge my dad. And mostly crying. They finally let him loose, and I took him home, and promptly got into an argument with my parents about what essentially boils down to a tension between their needs and mine. I'm trying to keep my head above water, and I'm feeling like no one is acknowledging what I need. I don't care if that need doesn't get met, truly; I just want someone to recognize the kind of pain I'm in from the fact that my life currently sucks in multiple ways and both my parents are actively dying.
Meanwhile, I have this friend who is being remarkably ambivalent about what kind of friends we are. No, that's not true. I'm interpreting this friend's actions as ambivalence; in truth, they may be clear in a way I can't currently see, there's no way to know. But I feel it very acutely right now. I'm as needy as I get, which frankly isn't usually asking too much. I just want some consistency. I just want to know where I stand. And I just want, mostly, to feel like I have consistent support. I don't want anything to be this complicated right now.
And then, of course, there's this particular circle of friends that I have. And there's a developing schism in that group. I, truly, have no idea what to do about this. I feel like I'm going to need to choose a side in the near future, and I don't want to. It's not fair. I don't want to feel like my friends are choosing a side of this division over me, and I don't want to feel like I'll have to relinquish those friendships to stay neutral. Because then I might as well have chosen a side, which feels like a lose/lose for me. I really value people on both sides. And I don't like being strewn akimbo in this process.
I'm feeling so unbelievably incompetent in pretty much every corner of my life these days. Personal, filial, romantic, professional, familial. I feel like a failure as a grown up. I pretty much hate my life right now. And in the middle of all of this chaos, on goes my personal work in therapy - dealing with my issues, figuring out who I am, what I want, and what's authentically me, trying to understand the things that repeatedly get in my way.
I want my life back. I want myself back. And I don't know how to get there.
I'm not doing so well. I'm going to be honest. I'm in a pretty dark place right now. I generally hold up the facade remarkably well, and even that is starting to falter. I'm finding myself much more negative these days than I want to be.
Friday was a horrible day. I got chewed out at work by my boss. I cried in her office for 45 minutes, after which I ran into the person I least wanted to see right then and had to walk straight into a family meeting. What almost makes it worse for me is that she thinks she's helping. I'm not going to perseverate any longer on whether she's right or wrong or just looking at part of the picture, because it's irrelevant. Yes, I'm off my game at work, because my entire life seems to be busy imploding. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm saying please give me some consideration for the fact that many people would not look okay from day to day. Please hear me when I say I don't understand what I'm doing wrong in any sort of prospective way. Please understand that I'm a little bit fragile right now and treat me accordingly. And know that my professional identity is such a part of the core of who I am, that right now I'm going to internalize every moment of potential criticism.
Friday after work, I spent an hour sitting outside the hospital in my car waiting for them to discharge my dad. And mostly crying. They finally let him loose, and I took him home, and promptly got into an argument with my parents about what essentially boils down to a tension between their needs and mine. I'm trying to keep my head above water, and I'm feeling like no one is acknowledging what I need. I don't care if that need doesn't get met, truly; I just want someone to recognize the kind of pain I'm in from the fact that my life currently sucks in multiple ways and both my parents are actively dying.
Meanwhile, I have this friend who is being remarkably ambivalent about what kind of friends we are. No, that's not true. I'm interpreting this friend's actions as ambivalence; in truth, they may be clear in a way I can't currently see, there's no way to know. But I feel it very acutely right now. I'm as needy as I get, which frankly isn't usually asking too much. I just want some consistency. I just want to know where I stand. And I just want, mostly, to feel like I have consistent support. I don't want anything to be this complicated right now.
And then, of course, there's this particular circle of friends that I have. And there's a developing schism in that group. I, truly, have no idea what to do about this. I feel like I'm going to need to choose a side in the near future, and I don't want to. It's not fair. I don't want to feel like my friends are choosing a side of this division over me, and I don't want to feel like I'll have to relinquish those friendships to stay neutral. Because then I might as well have chosen a side, which feels like a lose/lose for me. I really value people on both sides. And I don't like being strewn akimbo in this process.
I'm feeling so unbelievably incompetent in pretty much every corner of my life these days. Personal, filial, romantic, professional, familial. I feel like a failure as a grown up. I pretty much hate my life right now. And in the middle of all of this chaos, on goes my personal work in therapy - dealing with my issues, figuring out who I am, what I want, and what's authentically me, trying to understand the things that repeatedly get in my way.
I want my life back. I want myself back. And I don't know how to get there.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tired Thursday
I'm home. I'm exhausted. And I'm going to bed shortly.
I still hate funerals. But, in the spirit of Love Thursday (which I haven't done in a while, I know), here's ten things I loved about this trip:
1. Being surrounded by family. I forget sometimes how much I enjoy them.
2. The fact that we could put the things that have complicated our relationships aside to come together and support each other. It's a shame it sometimes takes a tragedy.
3. How Greeks take at least 30 minutes to say goodbye.
4. How my "little cousins" are growing into such good and thoughtful people.
5. Having a conversation about tutti-frutti naturopathic stuff with my cousin while sitting at her kitchen table eating chocolate covered espresso beans.
6. Feeling like at least some of my family has started thinking of me as an adult (even if, in that context, I don't always).
7. Time to think while driving through beautiful scenery.
8. Satellite radio.
9. How well my folks did. Also how well they did with Mags.
10. That I have awesome people back home who could hold down the fort and let me be gone for three days on a day's notice.
I still hate funerals. But, in the spirit of Love Thursday (which I haven't done in a while, I know), here's ten things I loved about this trip:
1. Being surrounded by family. I forget sometimes how much I enjoy them.
2. The fact that we could put the things that have complicated our relationships aside to come together and support each other. It's a shame it sometimes takes a tragedy.
3. How Greeks take at least 30 minutes to say goodbye.
4. How my "little cousins" are growing into such good and thoughtful people.
5. Having a conversation about tutti-frutti naturopathic stuff with my cousin while sitting at her kitchen table eating chocolate covered espresso beans.
6. Feeling like at least some of my family has started thinking of me as an adult (even if, in that context, I don't always).
7. Time to think while driving through beautiful scenery.
8. Satellite radio.
9. How well my folks did. Also how well they did with Mags.
10. That I have awesome people back home who could hold down the fort and let me be gone for three days on a day's notice.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
The long and the short of it
So, last week, when I heard that my cousin wasn't doing so well, I made plans in my head. Who was going to cover for me, what I needed to reschedule at work, who was going to check up on my mom and dad while I was gone, what would need to happen if they wanted to go with, what arrangements needed to be made so I could represent the family in a difficult time. And I had a plan. Alls I needed, though, of course, was....a plan.
So here's something I know about myself: I'm not as proactive as I might seem. I'm actually very reactive - and though I may come up in advance with alternate scenarios of how to deal with various permutations of what "might" happen, I rarely act until I have something to which I can react. So although by the time I got the news of her actual passing I had three (hundred) possible scenarios lined up for the various dates and times they could hold the services...my family actually had to, you know, tell me what I was doing. Which contingency to activate.
As it turns out, they had some difficulty getting my cousin's body released to the out-of-state funeral home (I was thinking about this yesterday. I can't even begin to figure that one out. It's not like they can just strap her in the car and go...), so we didn't have actual plans until this afternoon. The funeral is Wednesday. Okay, I thought, check. Commence with plan for Wednesday!
Until, of course, my other cousin, her brother, called me and said, "Don't come."
I...huh?
And then my uncle texted and was like, "You shouldn't go."
Um.
Both of them, I think, were looking out for me. My cousin's point was that I had my hands full and should use my time to come at a happier occasion (like an upcoming wedding, he suggested. To which I haven't been invited, actually...). He's not wrong - my cup definitely runneth over right now (Happy first day of fellowship! Here's our policy on bereavement leave). But...later isn't really the point....
And so I polled my coworkers. I argued with my parents. I felt confused and abandoned. And then I did what I should've done in the very first place - I emailed my deceased cousin's oldest daughter - who, frankly, also seems to have an interest in healing this rift in the family - and I said, "What is it that *you* want me to do?"
She said, "Come be with us."
And so go I shall.
Done.
It also didn't help that today - my very first day of fellowship!! - I rounded with the pedi neurology team. Whoa. That was...devastating. In the middle of rounds we got called to do a brain death exam on a four year old who'd been found floating in a pool. EMS and the ER had apparently worked on this kid for over an hour to get any signs of life back.
We walked into the patient's room, right, and there, amidst multiple IV lines, tubes, wires, fluids running with life-maintaining meds, there in this chaos was one of the most beautiful, sweet little cherubs I'd ever seen in my life. Who was, very clearly from the moment I walked through the door, merely a shell. What the family describes as a vibrant, friendly, personable and loving child was simply gone. There was just nothingness. And my heart broke.
Life and death...it always amazes me. One expects trumpets, fanfare, a glowing ball of light, something, right? But in truth, the line is remarkably blurry. You're alive; you're dead. It's a process, usually. What is that moment of crossing over? Does it happen at physiologic death? Brain death? Some time before or after either of those? Where is that innocent little soul tonight?
So here's something I know about myself: I'm not as proactive as I might seem. I'm actually very reactive - and though I may come up in advance with alternate scenarios of how to deal with various permutations of what "might" happen, I rarely act until I have something to which I can react. So although by the time I got the news of her actual passing I had three (hundred) possible scenarios lined up for the various dates and times they could hold the services...my family actually had to, you know, tell me what I was doing. Which contingency to activate.
As it turns out, they had some difficulty getting my cousin's body released to the out-of-state funeral home (I was thinking about this yesterday. I can't even begin to figure that one out. It's not like they can just strap her in the car and go...), so we didn't have actual plans until this afternoon. The funeral is Wednesday. Okay, I thought, check. Commence with plan for Wednesday!
Until, of course, my other cousin, her brother, called me and said, "Don't come."
I...huh?
And then my uncle texted and was like, "You shouldn't go."
Um.
Both of them, I think, were looking out for me. My cousin's point was that I had my hands full and should use my time to come at a happier occasion (like an upcoming wedding, he suggested. To which I haven't been invited, actually...). He's not wrong - my cup definitely runneth over right now (Happy first day of fellowship! Here's our policy on bereavement leave). But...later isn't really the point....
And so I polled my coworkers. I argued with my parents. I felt confused and abandoned. And then I did what I should've done in the very first place - I emailed my deceased cousin's oldest daughter - who, frankly, also seems to have an interest in healing this rift in the family - and I said, "What is it that *you* want me to do?"
She said, "Come be with us."
And so go I shall.
Done.
It also didn't help that today - my very first day of fellowship!! - I rounded with the pedi neurology team. Whoa. That was...devastating. In the middle of rounds we got called to do a brain death exam on a four year old who'd been found floating in a pool. EMS and the ER had apparently worked on this kid for over an hour to get any signs of life back.
We walked into the patient's room, right, and there, amidst multiple IV lines, tubes, wires, fluids running with life-maintaining meds, there in this chaos was one of the most beautiful, sweet little cherubs I'd ever seen in my life. Who was, very clearly from the moment I walked through the door, merely a shell. What the family describes as a vibrant, friendly, personable and loving child was simply gone. There was just nothingness. And my heart broke.
Life and death...it always amazes me. One expects trumpets, fanfare, a glowing ball of light, something, right? But in truth, the line is remarkably blurry. You're alive; you're dead. It's a process, usually. What is that moment of crossing over? Does it happen at physiologic death? Brain death? Some time before or after either of those? Where is that innocent little soul tonight?
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Suckage
My cousin died last night.
It wasn't totally unexpected. She lost a hard-fought battle with ovarian cancer. But she just went into hospice Friday. We weren't expecting it to happen quite this fast (although, my family does this. My grandfather did the same thing. Had dialysis one day, decided the next to stop dialysis and enter hospice, died the next night).
This. Sucks.
She was only 56. She has two kids, 20 and 24.
And here's the other thing. She and my mom - my mom, who also has cancer. Don't think that's escaped me - haven't spoken in years. It's a long and complicated story, as these things always are. She wasn't perfect, but, who of us is? They both played a part in the estrangement, obviously. But, now, there's no fixing it. There's no changing things. There's no closure.
It just sucks. The whole thing is awful, and unfortunate. It just serves as a reminder that one can never take things for granted. That this life is ephemeral, and we can all be snatched away at any moment.
And it hit home really hard that my mom has late stage cancer. I can't handle thinking about that for too long right now.
Honestly, I'm having a really hard time with a lot of this. I've been scattered and irritable all day. I spent some time with my folks, and actually got a few things from my every day life taken care of. I've talked electronically to a bunch of family members. I stressed out over weird things and laughed at things that weren't especially funny.
I also snarked pretty hard at a friend of mine, which ended in one of us picking a fight with the other (although I'm not entirely sure who started it). He had enough sense to press pause on the argument, came back at me several hours later and was like, what can I do? I told him I was displacing, apologized.
I hate it when people get to see the crazy. I try so hard to keep it under wraps.
It wasn't totally unexpected. She lost a hard-fought battle with ovarian cancer. But she just went into hospice Friday. We weren't expecting it to happen quite this fast (although, my family does this. My grandfather did the same thing. Had dialysis one day, decided the next to stop dialysis and enter hospice, died the next night).
This. Sucks.
She was only 56. She has two kids, 20 and 24.
And here's the other thing. She and my mom - my mom, who also has cancer. Don't think that's escaped me - haven't spoken in years. It's a long and complicated story, as these things always are. She wasn't perfect, but, who of us is? They both played a part in the estrangement, obviously. But, now, there's no fixing it. There's no changing things. There's no closure.
It just sucks. The whole thing is awful, and unfortunate. It just serves as a reminder that one can never take things for granted. That this life is ephemeral, and we can all be snatched away at any moment.
And it hit home really hard that my mom has late stage cancer. I can't handle thinking about that for too long right now.
Honestly, I'm having a really hard time with a lot of this. I've been scattered and irritable all day. I spent some time with my folks, and actually got a few things from my every day life taken care of. I've talked electronically to a bunch of family members. I stressed out over weird things and laughed at things that weren't especially funny.
I also snarked pretty hard at a friend of mine, which ended in one of us picking a fight with the other (although I'm not entirely sure who started it). He had enough sense to press pause on the argument, came back at me several hours later and was like, what can I do? I told him I was displacing, apologized.
I hate it when people get to see the crazy. I try so hard to keep it under wraps.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I was going to write more about the move tonight...
...but then my dad fell and gashed open his arm and I had to break off and take care of that. He's fine - I stole supplies from the ER and fixed it up. It's not pretty, but it'll heal better than it would've otherwise. And, we didn't have to sit in the waiting room for like six hours just to get it steri stripped and be sent home.
But, meanwhile, it's now late and I'm exhausted. More tomorrow, I promise. Really.
But, meanwhile, it's now late and I'm exhausted. More tomorrow, I promise. Really.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
