I just hope mine never ends up on there...

Click. Read. Laugh. Be forewarned, however, that a couple of them are not entirely safe for work...

Today was my last day going to the coast. I'm definitely not going to miss the commuting, but I'm rather going to miss the people on my ACT team. It was a good experience, and I'm glad I did it. And I'm happy to know my way around our little coastal town, now, because it's a great day trip...or weekend...I just need people who might want to come with. Any takers?

It was a nice time today. I went out with one of the nurses, who is one of my favorite people on the team, and who sadly is leaving before Fritz shows up to take over for me. We saw some people, gave some shots, and talked candidly about the team, mental health in general, politics, and a whole range of things. We got some lunch (Taco Bell, which was a little disappointing, because there's some great restaurants out there, but, alas, also work that needs to be done) and then wandered to the little Asian market next door, which is very fun. And then I went to the yarn shop out there, which is one of my favorite yarn stores, ever. I bought some great sock yarn (non-knitters don't understand about souvenir yarn, but you knitters know what I'm talking about. AND I got a gift for my Christmas in July Secret Santa, so that doesn't count, because it doesn't actually add to the ever-growing stash...). And then I hit the Starbucks near the college, like I always do on my way out of town, and came home. There was a little rain on the way in, but on the whole, it was another gorgeous day at the North Carolina coast.

It was a nice day, but I'm so exhausted. I meant to be in bed an hour ago, but then I got sidetracked, and then I realized I hadn't eaten dinner, and then I had to do that, and then I had to answer some emails, and then I had to write a blog....

Maggie's already asleep, though. Smart girl.

Oh, and PS, my meeting with my program director of course went fine. She gave me some guidance on the issue with which I'd come to her in the first place, and it built nicely on the advice I'd been given by my dynamic supervisor earlier in the day about not letting one person bully me into doing something that wasn't helpful for me. Also smart.

Counting...

I can count two posts yesterday as covering my post for today, right?

Sweet Mary Jane, am I tired.

Drove to the coast today. I have one more week of doing that, then I'm done with AHEC. Potentially forever - there's an AHEC requirement in fellowship, but I'm hoping to be at the county child abuse and maltreatment clinic, which isn't technically part of AHEC but (I'm told) should still count for my requirement.

I like my ACTT people. And they just got a new substance abuse counselor, who seems nice. Fritz is going to be their guy next year, and I think he'll do well there. They'll like him. He'll be too tall for the plane, but he's probably used to that. Fritz is a nice guy, I hope it goes well for him.

I feel like the free-range crazy chasing has fallen, for me, into a greater pattern of unrest. As my supervisor so eagerly pointed out, I've been very unsettled this year. I really, really liked the people I worked with at the ACT team (I would've switched sites mid-year if I didn't. In a heartbeat), and I really liked the work we did, but I really wish I'd had a little more consistency. And with all of the not going because of call, because I was on day float or night float, because I was sick, because the weather sucked, because I was on vacation...it made it hard to settle in. Some of that would've been better if my location were closer - i.e., there were several days I could probably made it through a day locally, but I was feeling way too sick to drive five hours or have my eardrums explode on an unpressurized plane. The weather, obviously, would've been a trivial influence instead of what turned out to be a huge one. The rest, well...that's part of the scatteredness of second year. Which, in general, I'm happy to leave behind. Because it's funny how, even though I'm scattered to all sorts of places, I'm still plenty responsible to the places I've left behind.

It's exhausting.

Muddled

So....you ever have one of those days where there's just SO MUCH STUFF swimming around in your head that nothing cogent will come out?

No? Oh. Well, I'm having one of them.

Had intended to fly to the coast today, but it was foggy and there were too many people on the plane so I offered to not fly in the little tin can. It was a nice drive, actually. Foggy. I went out with one of the nurses, we found two of our four people, I was done by 1. Got some lunch, swung back, went to the gym. Had a pretty crappy workout - still trying to figure out all the reasons why. Came home, though, had a nice cuddle with my dog, and you know...that makes a lot of things all better.

So does a good night's sleep. I'm going to go pretend I might get one....

Lotta Thursday

So it's Match Day again.

We got a whole new batch of incoming interns today. A couple of my favorite picks were in the group, and a couple that I hoped would be joining us will not. But there's fresh blood a-comin'! People to take the intern pager so the current interns can take my pager! Which is what's important, here, right?

In other news, I went to the coast today. It was goooooooorgeous. I had a relatively light caseload, and then I stopped at this place called the Coastal K-9 Bakery. Because, you know, I might have a puppy who just had a birthday. It was very cute. The woman who runs the place was very nice, and assured me that not only were all their products human-grade and organic, but that the Parmesan snaps make very good croutons.

I ate one. It was okay. Not as flavorful as I'd like in a human treat, but not bad.

So I bought a small bag of assorted treats-by-ounce, and this:

It's a Crabby Pup-cicle.

Maggie loved it. She ate half and then mysteriously disappeared out the dog door with the other half and came back in all muddy.

Love that dog.

(She sends birthday wishes to little Mr. Scrat as well. She'd send him a treat, but, well, she'd eat it before we got it in the mail...)

It was a nice day. I ran around the coast, got out reasonably early. Had a nice drive back, and a good workout. Came home, gave the puppy a Crabsicle, had a nice shower, made dinner, and then there was new Bones on. Plus, there's only one more day until the weekend! Can't beat that...

Bang bang

Love Thursday, in bullets. Er, bullet points...

bI have the world's best dog.
bAlso a rockstar shrink.
bAnd a very comforting mom.
bAnd I'm done driving to the coast for another week.
bAnd it was an amazingly beautiful day at the coast today. BEAUTIFUL.
bI got to go out with our social worker today. I like her. She feeds me lunch.
bI went to the gym despite my really not wanting to and it was a good idea.
bI met nice people at the gym.
bI actually cooked dinner. Pasta primavera (with broccoli, peppers, and then corn and edamame, which don't quite seem to fit, but, whatever). Yummy.
bMy dog is all cuddly and cute. Love her.
bBones is on. Well, via the DVR.
bI finished one sock yesterday. Except...well...does anyone have a suggestion for a stretchy bind-off to use at the top of the sock??
bIt's time for bed. That's the best news yet.
bYep. Those are tiny little bicycles. They amuse me.

Love/Hate Thursday

Such a day.

So I drove to the coast today, because someone more powerful in the university than I needed my plane. And I kinda like the drive anyway, and I REALLY like not being a mile above the ground in a tin can with wings. So I get there, and I notice some of the vans have this odd gold paint on the windows. And I think....well, now, THAT's weird...

Turns out someone (with think one of our patients clients consumers people we serve individuals, most likely) vandalized five of the eight cars in our fleet, as well as the door to the office. Had they stuck to spray painting just the glass, it would've been okay (that comes right off with paint thinner), but they painted the mirrors, the license plates, etc, and they broke one of the windshields and wrote "CUNT" on the hood of one of the cars (which, of the whole team, only the non-me doc is male, so that doesn't narrow down much who they were pissed at). But they were kind enough to leave the can of spray paint and several beer cans just lush with fingerprints and probably DNA. Brilliant career criminals I'm thinking they're not...

Still. When you work your ass off and really go out of your way to help people, which the members of my ACTT do on a daily basis, and at that a group of people who are already not the easiest people or the most accepting of help...something like this can be really discouraging. They spend every day tracking people down, getting them services, going into some unsavory places, taking them to do the things they need to do, and, again, not the easiest clientele to begin with! They pay for things out of pocket, they take phone calls in the middle of the night, and they frequently go beyond what they need to. They're a good bunch, who don't get paid nearly well enough, have crappy benefits, and often put themselves in potentially dangerous situations. So this really pisses me off, and makes me a little bit sad for humanity as a whole...

The day itself, though, wasn't bad. It was a gorgeous and glorious sunny, 73 degree, bluebird day on the coast. I made good time going in, the peer counselor and I had some good visits with people (AND she quit smoking - day 12. Go her!), and then I bugged out around 3. I went to the gym when I got back, lifted, got the machines I wanted, and had a good workout (although I'm wondering if I can impose a No Stinky People On The Machines On Either Side Of Me ban....). And then I came home, had some hummus, caught up on FB, and am going to bed now, which, that can't be bad. And I downloaded and listened to Incredibad, the newly released album from The Lonely Island (see several posts ago, when I linked the video for I'm on a Boat, which is Track 4, and still my favorite, I think). It was freakin' hysterical. A couple of the tracks...okay, well, several....are pretty juvenile or just outright weird, but, on the whole, damn funny stuff (and, what do you know? Carlos Santana does make a sparkling wine. And have a line of women's shoes. Who knew??).

Oh, and, fortunately, Peng called me tonight and reminded me that Dollhouse premiers tomorrow night (I'm having dinner at my Aunt and Uncle's, but, the DVR is standing by). It's got Faith (Eliza Dushku)! And Fred (Amy Acker)! And allegedly Wash (Alan Tudyk, whom I still adore from when he played Gerhardt in 28 Days)! And it's from Joss Whedon! If only Summer Glau weren't otherwise engaged, it would be the supernova of the Whedonverse...and maybe they could drop James Marsters in there (I always liked Spike WAY better than Angel, even though Angel was the one that got the spin-off. But David Boreanaz is doing much better for himself these days).

So totally love it Thursday

It was foggy in North Carolina today. Like, the kind of foggy where I kept missing my exits because I couldn't see the signs foggy. There was no way the flying tin can was going up in that, and if it was, there was abso-fucking-loutely no way I was going to go up in it. I get scared when the FTC flies through a solitary fluffy cloud. It's a ruddy tin can! The size of my car! That's somehow supposed to stay up in the damn air a mile above the earth! ACK!

So I drove to the coast. Because I was on walk-ins last week, so couldn't go, and then called in dead the previous two weeks when I had the plague, and then there was Thanksgiving in there somewhere...so, it's been a while. I figured it was worth making the trip, and when I finally got to the group room where we have morning team (I was a little late and then blustered past them "Hi-I'm-here-3-hours-in-the-car-gotta-pee!") they seemed happy to see me. I went out with the peer counselor, and we saw three patients clients consumers individuals people we serve (or whatever the hell we're supposed to call them now). The first one and the third one were relatively quick. The second woman we saw...wow, the whole thing broke my heart. So we walk up to this double-wide with six cats milling around our feet, gingerly step over the dead roach on the front porch, and have to knock four or five times before she actually answers. And she opens the door and is like, "I hurt myself." Which, in my world, usually means "I cut" or "I tried to kill myself." But, no, she'd fallen. Okay. And then she holds out her arm, and there's this giant bruise above the elbow...and, let's just say, from her elbow to her shoulder was not a straight line, as I imagine it was yesterday morning. So I look at this, as I'm walking through the door behind the PC, and said, "Hi, I'm Dr. Kate. You need to get to a hospital. How are we going to do that?"

We ended up calling an ambulance. We probably could've put her in our car and taken her, but I'll be damned if I was going to accept the liability of this otherwise medically fragile woman falling again or having any of her chronic issues kick up on the way there. Plus, they have things like pulse oxymeters and accuchecks and oxygen and arm splints on the bus. But while we waited, I sat and talked to her, got my exam in. We sat, in her filthy kitchen. With bugs crawling up the wall. And years of nicotine and tobacco smoke staining the ceiling tiles. Half the floor tiles were up, which gave her plenty to trip over. She herself was greasy-haired, dirt caked in the beds of her fingernails, in a stained t-shirt that was two sizes too small. She was dirtier than most homeless people I know. Poor sick old lady. And her husband shows up at one point, and says, "her damn arm ain't broke." The paramedic says, "Sir? Have you seen it?"

Alls I can say is...bless his heart....

But we were done by 2ish and so I hit the road, got some lunch, and before I truly pointed the wagons west, I stopped at my favorite not-so-local yarn store. And I made one of the coolest yarn finds to date.

Check this out.

I thought it was a scarf. But, no! It's basically sock yarn, knitted into a big ol' rectangle, with a provisional bind off. They call it Flat Feet. The idea is, you knit straight from the edge of the fabric, unraveling as you go. So no winding, no ball to mess with, no tangles, no problem! You can even cut it in the middle (there's another bit of provisional thread) and do two socks at once!

Here's a close-up of the hand-dyed-ness.

Seriously cool. I can't wait to see how they knit up. If, you know, I didn't already have three pair of gift socks on the needles...

Oh, but since we're talking about socks, check out this new and oddly addictive web-based game, Sock and Awe, in which you get to hurl shoes at George W. Bush's head.

Only in America, my friends. Only in America.

Wow.

Am I tired.

Here's the short version.

Mags went over the wall last night, but only made it as far as Sparrow's old house next door. I think she may very literally have hopped over the fence where it's shorter, by the air conditioner, and went over to look for Little Maxine (who's been staying overnight with us this week while Sparrow's on night float, but yesterday she stayed with Rene). But she came running right back as soon as I opened the front door to see why she hadn't come back in the dog door.

Crazy mutt. It's a good thing I dye my hair, or she'd be giving me grays.

Today I drove to the coast. Which...may actually have some benefits. Even if it is 300 miles roundtrip. I listened to the first part of the audiobook I downloaded last week, Barack Obama's Dreams of my Father, read by the author. Wow. I was really sad I'd only managed to burn an hour of it to CD before I left. He's only really discussed his life up to age 8 or 9 so far, but the living in the Spice Islands for a good part of his childhood already tops Gov. "I can see Russia from my house." And it's so far just a good story, with some interesting points. Looking forward to the rest of it.

I spent my day out with the Vocational Rehab counselor. We ran all over town and hunted down some people. We had a nice lunch at this Greek-ish place by the river. I gave one lady her Haldol shot. A good time was had by all.

Well, Sparrow just dropped off the little one, and it's been a long ass day. I think we're going to have some ice cream (well, that might just be me) and watch a little TV and fall asleep in the middle of the same episode of House I've been trying to watch for the past three nights...

It's always sunny in Chapel Hill

Alright, that's a lie.

But it's a gorgeous sunny Thursday today, at least. Seventies, Carolina Blue skies, lovely.

Today's Tin Can Brigade adventure went well. I flew out and back with this pediatric cardiologist and his echo tech, whom I've flown with before. My doc at the ACT team had decided to take a few days off, so I went out with one of the nurses and had a couple of my very own patients to see at the rest home we went to. I made some minor med changes. I did some quick home visits. It was nice, actually, and we still got done by two so I could hitch a ride back with the Cards guys.

We went to this Mongolian Barbecue place for lunch which was just so-so, but, it was lunch. They had these really interesting things she kept referring to a "Greek rolls", which were sort of like soft sesame crackers. Now, there was absolutely NOTHING Greek about this place, and I'm sure they were probably Korean, but they were the best part of the whole meal and my people are happy to take credit for them.

So I came home and took a nap, because I was sleepy and cranky and I have this bad habit of becoming unconscious every time I get in a plane (seriously. I don't think we'd hit cruising altitude - which, remember, is about a mile - before I was out. And probably snoring, which is one of the problems with this little habit of mine. Although at least on the Anchovy Tin everyone has earplugs in). I was going to go to the screening of the documentary that was done a year or so ago about our gallery of artists with mental illness, but my child therapy supervisor wanted to "meet" by phone at 7 (we talked for 20 minutes and then her phone died. Oh well. More to come). So I decided to start my laundry instead. And, having just decided that whatever I was wearing needed to be washed and dropped it into the washer, no sooner did that happen than someone knocked at the door.

Um. Oh.

I skittered to my bedroom and grabbed my bathrobe, which is of course very thick flannel with snowflakes all over it. In which it makes perfect sense to be answering the door at 4pm on a Thursday in 80 degree weather.

It turned out to be two of my neighbors, who moved in a month or two ago. I met their landlord shortly before, who went on and on about how they were "good Christian kids, boys on one side of the house, girls on the other" (I cringe every time the very first way in which someone describes themselves is as a "good Christian"). Thusfar, I'll concede, they have seemed pretty tame. You know, like the rest of us on this block. They were very pleasant, in a distant, "hey that's a big dog and you're wearing a bathrobe" kind of way. Aryan, plain, wholesome, skinny girls, probably Midwestern. As opposed to, say, the loud, outspoken, brash, swears like a drunken sailor, Zaftig suicide redhead kind of Midwesterner.

But, whatever, they brought cake.

It was dry and needed cinnamon. And maybe a touch more vanilla. But it was pretty. And, chocolate cake.

In other news, I finished the first of my quick-and-dirty plain old socks yesterday.



They're the first in a series, I think, of what I'm calling "leftover socks." Simple, short (I like the anklet-y type better anyway), reasonably quick and easy that I can bang out in a few weeks of lectures and use up some of my leftovers in my stash. These are from a skein of Dream in Color yarn in a color called Spring Tickle that ended up being a second because the blue dye didn't quite dissolve well enough and so, if you were able to look closely, you'd see that the yarn was actually a bit speckled. So we couldn't sell it to real people. So I destocked it and made a hat. For a pumpkin.


Note the little center stem-hole. I liked that hat. I don't think I took it with me when I left, but I should have. In case I ever have a pumpkin down here that has a cold head.

Well, tomorrow is going to be a long day (and night). The interns are off on their retreat tomorrow, so we're all covering their call. Tomorrow night I'm playing intern again with Sparrow as my second year, so we're sure to have two things: a very busy night, and a rockin' good time.

Nearer my god to thee

Today was weird.

So I get out to the airfield this morning, and they're all waiting for me, and we pile into this tiny little anchovy can with wings. They let me sit up front. They encouraged me to sit up front. It was me, and two other doctors, and an ultrasound tech. And, obviously, the pilot. So I walked across the wing (!) and climbed in. We didn't shut the door until we were just about to take off (because, you know, there's no AC on the plane). And then away we went.

I was practically in the pilot's lap.

It does not help that little planes? Not so much made for big people.

Also, you know, I've never once gotten carsick, airsick, or seasick in my entire life. But I'll be honest, I was a little queasy for about the first 15 minutes or so. It was definitely bumpier than a commercial flight. On the way home, we flew through some rain (at about 5000 feet, which meant we were flying through a whole bunch of clouds) and there was a lot of this sort of slipping going on that felt like being in a car that was sliding on ice. I'm knitting away, being a little nervous about this (not to mention all of the bumping around we were doing)....and the pilot was reading a book.

I was just glad it wasn't Flying for Dummies.

AHEC was an interesting time, too. The staff psychiatrist and I tooled around digging up crazy people. No, really. It was actually kind of cool. He and I got in the car, and drove around doing home visits. Or, well, the closest we could get. One guy, who's homeless, apparently they usually meet him at the library. Today the shelter let them all stay in, because it was so hot out (SO hot), so we pulled up to the shelter, and he climbs into the back of the car, we check in with him, and then he gets out and we drive away. The first guy we saw, he answers the door, he's this young guy, cornrows, t-shirt, baggy jeans. We walk into the house...and it's full of these, like, 12" dolls with big, crocheted dresses.

We walked out, and I said to Dr. B... "Um...so I'm guessing that's his mom's house."

It was also immaculate. Smelled like apple-cinnamon oatmeal. There were adorable small people there (his nieces, for whom he babysits). I was ready to pull up a spot on the big overstuffed couch and watch Hannah Montana with them.

He also gave us a CD he made of two of the songs he wrote. He and Dr. B trade hip-hop CDs occasionally, apparently. But the patient is more East Coast, he tells me, and Doc is more West Coast (I actually disagree with him...he had a distinct Biggie Smalls thing going on the tracks he laid down). I said, well, that works out, because, frankly, I'm more Dirty South.

We also saw this older guy, whose family is totally taking advantage of him and so completely not taking care of him. Every morning he gets just enough money to walk down to the store to get a soda and cigarettes. And then he comes home and sits on the couch and watches TV in this dark, filthy house that reeks of cigarettes and cat urine, with all the curtains drawn tight. Which wasn't quite as bad as the rest home that was our last stop, where, apparently, a lot of our "consumers" (can't call them "patients" anymore, that's not PC) live. Each building we walked into smelled worse than the last. The conditions were awful. It was astonishing.

And then I got back on the plane.

::sigh:: I did get the heel turned on my toe-up Tolerance Sock. So named because I let my obnoxious Family Medicine upper-level knit a row and her tension was all wrong. And then because I missed a few rows of ribbing on the top of the foot. I kept convincing myself that it was NOT worth frogging the whole sock just because it had some quirks. Even though I'm wishing I had about 4 fewer stitches in it. Maybe 8. But then, today, I finished the heel and realized that something had gone horribly, terribly wrong.



I ripped out the heel flap, but you know....I think I'm just going to frog the whole thing and just start over. I love the yarn, and I love working it on the Addi Lace needles...screw tolerance, I want nice socks!