Weird Wenesday

Ohhh....here's seven reasons my day has been really stinkin' weird...

1. My patient who's still really crazy, whom I really, really want to transfer, we decided today that she's going to go for electroshock therapy. I posed this to her, and she acted like a kid at Christmas. She's SO excited about us running an electrical current through her brain and making her have a seizure. SO EXCITED. Now, I concede that she's manic, but, um, really now.

2. My other patient who's really sick told me this morning that God compelled her to put on an uncomfortable bra.

Later, her mother accused me of "killing her baby" and experimenting on her (with one of the OLDEST ANTIPSYCHOTIC MEDICATIONS we have. Uh, yeah, we're experimenting, for what, now?). ::sigh:: What can I say? I'm a bad doctor for letting my patient have a say in her medical care.

You know what? I'm ridiculously possessive and protective of my patients. As I've mentioned, I'm particularly attached to and invested in this one. So don't tell me I'm not taking care of your kid. I know she's your "baby" and I may not have "babies" of my own, but I wouldn't take care of my own kids any differently than I'm taking care of yours.

3. We got two new medical students this week, of course. One of them is fabulous, and I got her. The other one really annoys me. And today, I was commenting on a discussion that's been going on over at Shrink Rap and the comments I'd left, and he was like, "You're commenting with total strangers on a message board about prescription medications? Does legal know about this?"

Dude. I'm not advising any particular person on whether or not to take a med. It's all theoretical. And yeah, it's possible legal could have a problem with my comments, my blog, my general loudmouth assertions around the unit. But, I'm, I'm guessing not.

4. I still got stuck in traffic despite getting out of work an hour and a half later than I'd planned. So I diverted to the Whole Foods to buy cornbread to go with the chili I made for dinner. While I was there, I got super excited because I found these organic oranges in a bag that I've bought before and they were just so good. So I bought a bag (whee!) and when I got home, I cut into one while dinner was cooking....and it was a grapefruit. I just bought a whole big bag of grapefruit. Which is okay, but...

5. I got home from work (and buying grapefruit) and discovered three, probably 8-10-ish year old boys sitting on my back porch, in the chairs, drinking Capri Sun. So I opened the door, and was like, um, hi. Can you tell me why you're on my porch? And they were like, oh...well, we're sitting. Do you want us to go? Uh......yeah.

So then they stayed out in the backyard and played soccer. Maggie kept huffing and looking at me like, "boy, they're loud." Yes, sweetie, little boys are loud. One of them appeared to be named "OMAROMAROMAR!" and another one was "Clar-ence."

6. I had to stick my hand in another woman's vagina today. Which didn't used to be an unusual occurrence, but you know, not a lot of psychiatrists do that very often. I acquired that crazy pregnant patient today, and the OB wasn't going to be able to come see her and do the pelvic until tomorrow. So I said, do you mind if I check her cervix? And she was so nice, which really is kind of unusual from this OB department. She was like, great, actually, that'd be so helpful. And so I did. And she's probably remote from delivery. And we all feel better now. Because when I ordered that they send a delivery tray up to the unit to be sure that if something happened, we were prepared (if, IF, not when. I'm not planning on delivering her on the Psychotic unit, but you know, she had her last kid in a hotel room, and didn't call 911 for a good half hour afterwards), the whole staff freaked out.

7. When I got of the phone with the sick patient's crazy mother and had the other sick patient's crazy mother holding for me on the other line, I commented to my attending about how it was days like this that make me wish I drank more. He told me it was never too early to start.

I'm so tired.

Tomorrow we have a family meeting with the hysterical histrionic mother who accused me of killing her baby. Her baby who can legally drink and was wearing the uncomfortable bra that God smote upon her. ::sigh:: Send positive thoughts.