I'm a loser, baby...

This is today's song that's been lodged in my head.

This annoys me. For two reasons. A, I'm not a huge fan of Beck (although, I'll confess, that song has always sort of amused me...although, you can't listen to the lyrics too closely...). But B, because it's a symptom of just how effed up I am. Because you know when this started? Walking out of the auditorium.

I got a teaching award today.

No, no, yay for me. I got a similar award at The Emerald Palace, but it wasn't nearly as big a deal. Well, who knows, maybe it was, I'd already left. But it's really quite an nice thing - each year, one intern and one resident in each of the six core specialties receives this award, which is bestowed by the third year medical students. There was a ceremony and a check and a certificate suitable for framing involved. I really can't tell you how honored and humbled I am that they picked me. But initially, I was like, aww, thanks, that's nice. And then there was a lunch I was supposed to attend. And then, wait, it was a lecture. And then it turned into today, which turned out to be this giant auditorium (it has balcony seats!) about 60%-ish full of people, including all sorts of deans and faculty and students and then having to go up on stage (with about 8 or so other residents, thankfully) and me in the front row hyperventilating a little and wearing tennis shoes because it was kind of a hike from the hospital and I'm still having a lot of ankle issues. There were a lot of other awards handed out today, too, so it wasn't like it was all about me. Except in my head, where I was somehow ignoring the external validation and just focused on the fact that I looked like a Chicago commuter and was being completely neurotic about a whole host of other things.

Fortunately, no one else could hear the neurosing, no matter how loud it was in my head. It was a nice little shin-dig; this pathology prof gave a lecture about the history of medical education through the last three or so thousand years, the central point of which was, of course, everything comes from the Greeks. She started talking about how they evolved up from "this is punishment from the Gods" to the Hippocratic-era development of the four humours, and how disease resulted from their imbalance, and how redistribution of fluid was the answer back in 500 BCE, and I really, really wanted to yell, "just put some Windex on it!" It was actually quite a good lecture, though. I can see why she was their teacher of the year. And then there was lots of acknowledging of people who've done a good job with the med students this past year - best clinical rotation (Pedes), various faculty awards, a bunch of awards to this year's (as in, '09) graduating class. I cut out early because I had to get back for our afternoon of didactics, but I think there may have been a little buffet afterward, too.

I am so completely amazed that they thought enough of me to pick me. I seriously, truly, fully cannot tell you how much that means, especially after all of the intern-year PTSD and whatnot. Not to mention how much fun I had with the students this year. I mean, I really had some rock stars.

Okay, okay, I'm done.

Tonight I also had my first meeting as one of the Psych reps to the Housestaff Council (like Student Council, but, post-graduate. Residents and fellows, for those who aren't aware, are considered "housestaff". This is our governing body. You know, ish). It was quite nice. It was held in one of the conference rooms of this reasonably posh hotel in town. There was a good buffet, good conversation, and we got a little work done, too. I sat at a table with the other psych rep and our child fellow counterpart, a clutch of Family residents, an ER doc and this new Dermatology guy (Cute. Single. A little young). Basically we meet four times during the year at fairly upscale places, eat, and discuss a relevant issue or two. Not a bad gig.

Meanwhile, the outer bands of TS Fay have reached Carolina del Norte, although the bulk of the storm is still in Florida, at least according to all the NOAA emails I've been getting (I'm on their Storm Advisory Listserv - Atlantic). So it's raining nicely out there. I'm really, really hoping it grounds my plane in the morning, for no good reason at all except I, a, could really use the day off, and 2, so don't want to fly through a tropical storm - even the very edge of one, which, according to Forecaster Knabb, is currently back over water and gaining intensity - in a Coke can with wings that only flies a mile up off the ground. Yes, yes, I know that these are the same planes that they send directly into the eye of the storm, but, not with a flight-nervous psychiatrist on board!