Dogs, Drugs, and Dissociation

So, I made it through the week.

Hooray!

Today I haven't done much. Mags and I went to Starbucks this morning to read, but met some other people with a dog and talked to them for a while. Their dog was named Ally and she was this German Shepherd that was a little bit bigger than Mags. She wasn't well socialized, so we all stayed sort of wary, but she did pretty well with Mags. They were well socialized, though, and we had a very nice chat. After they left to go take Ally to the lake (apparently she likes the lake. Aww), they were replaced by a weird middle aged swarthy gentleman who was rattling along on is cell phone in what I can only guess was Lebanese. He was a little leery, and kind of creepy, so we left shortly after that. And I really haven't done a whole lot since we got home except nap, and read a little, and nap some more.

I still haven't started packing, although I think I did hire a mover. They haven't actually looked at the house yet, and we've mostly been playing phone tag, but they have availability the day I want to move, and I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to use them. They're allegedly quite good and really cheap, but the more important thing (I think) is that they're an offshoot company of a treatment center for substance abusers. It's at least a two year commitment, I think, and you have to be clean - really clean - for the first year you're in residence before they'll let you work at any of their businesses. And the moment you slip up, you're out. But it's a fantastic second (or third, or eighth, or fiftieth) chance, a good honest living, and a great opportunity. For all parties involved.

Maybe if they're really as cheap as their rates on the website, I'll even let them pack me up. Because, let me tell you how quickly that's going over here.

I'm so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, metaphorically.

At least, as the week came to a close, I actually started to enjoy work a little bit. Like, I can at least appreciate how interesting this all is and think about how it might connect into adult pathology. The stuff that I find so fascinating in adulthood, it starts right here. The kids are interesting. Also still scary. But I've been able to separate the fact that I'm living in hell from the patients and the units. Not that the hell has really abated, just, it's not their fault. It's activating, what I'm doing, but it's activating my stuff. My stuff that's got to get dealt with eventually. So maybe the stimulation is good.

Which is unfortunate, because it feels like shit.

It's a hard feeling to articulate. It feels like I'm walking in one reality, and living in another. Another that no one else can see. It's very weird...and a little Joss Whedon, frankly.