Tomorrow morning, I start Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
Just for a month. I keep telling myself it's just for a month.
Half my class wants to go into Child and Adolescent. We take five fellows every year. Everybody's doing it these days.
Which is why nobody seems to understand why I want to crawl into a corner and hide.
I don't want to do this. I'm just not ready for this. I....oh, my freaking GOD. Stupid frakking American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology who thinks I need to learn how to treat kids for "well rounded" training and damn my stupid program who thinks it's a good idea to get exposure in the first year because, you know, if you want to do a child fellowship you have to start applying in your second year. Not like that makes any sense or anything. Damn it.
It really is going to be fine. It's 10pm, and I just got off the phone with Mike - who, by the way, is likely going to do Child and Adolescent and was just like totally in his element this past month - and I don't have either of the sexual predators on my service. So that's something. But I have all manner of horribly abused kids. I have one girl whose uncle was abusing her, and he got caught, and then he shot himself. Not to leave that on a kid.
I've often wished my abuser dead, but, holy shit, I can't even imagine that girl's guilt.
Mike's all, I'm glad you're taking over, because I keep making that girl cry. He's like, there's two really abused girls on the service who'll just do so much better with a woman. I'm thinking, yeah, I get that. And they'll probably do better with someone who's been there. Not that he knows that. Because the last guy I told about that, well, that didn't work out so well.
Ahhhh, the panic. The neurotic, neurotic panic.
It's going to be fine. I'll be fine. And I need to go to bed.
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4 comments:
Kate, you will do fine. Blog lots about it. Congratulations, you are about to break 90.
Have a great month.
Hugs.
It'll work out one way or another. You won't do less than give it your best shot.
::hugs:: I know the first day was rough, but you'll be fine. First day on a new service is always rough. I have faith.
Kate-
I think you will do a stellar job. As irksome as it may be to consider, Mike may be on to something. I never opened up or was helped by male therapists or doctors the same way I could a female doctor. (When I was the patient.)
I think your history is going to interfere (in your own head) a lot at times, but I think you're going to be an enormous help to those girls.
Who else can understand their pain as well?
I have faith in you.
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