Still what I think

First and foremost, a happy Mothers' Day to all of you who are moms, will be moms, or have a mom (so, if you were born, I'm probably talking to you). But, most importantly, to my mom. Hi, Mom!

Go read this. It's Bob Greene's column on this Mothers' Day. It's lovely.

I had this whole blog post written, ranting about silly things like transcription software and being on call (which I am), but then I decided I was done being grumpy.

I probably should go see if my intern wants me to see anyone in the ER...there's a couple of people down there for us, but he has a solid medical student, and I don't know who we have and haven't been called on, yet. So I'm waiting for him to call me.

I saw the consult list this morning, passed the buck on a couple of them, nodded at a couple others ("You still okay? Okay."), wrote some notes. I got caught up on my dictations, read CNN.com, called my mom and dad (Hi, Mom and Dad!). There's people everywhere outside, because it's graduation day at Baby Blue. I'd complain about how they took away my close parking (that's the only redeeming thing about weekend call!), but, I said I was done being grumpy. And, on the whole, I can't complain too much about today.

I could wax philosophic, I suppose, on mom-ness, but, I did that at length last year. I still think parenting is the most important job, ever. In all the ways it can be done.

It's been brought to my attention this year that one of the benefits of having child therapy patients is, to quote one of my mentors, "you have a real opportunity to be, yourself, a developmental object for them." I think about that a lot, with my two adolescent therapy cases. It's interesting to me, actually - I feel like I'm way more invested, far more present in the room and "settled" (ahem) in those cases than I am with my adults. I wonder what that's about. I suspect it says something both about how I respond to them and how they respond to me. Gosh, I do enjoy those two kids, though. They really are just amazing, amazing women-in-training.

I will say, though, I'm glad they're still attaching to me and I'm not the object of their separation-individuation efforts, yet. Wow, Moms of teenagers, that's rough for everyone involved.

It's so funny, really, to me, to think about where I was 53 weeks ago (completely terrified of the Child and Adolescent rotation) compared to where I was one week ago (freaked out about potentially not getting a Child and Adolescent fellowship). The beginning of my personal statement was this story from med school:

In medical school (back when I thought I was going to be a high-risk obstetrician), I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine who was going to become a pediatrician. He was discussing how he was thinking of doing a fellowship in Adolescent Medicine, and I shuddered a little. “Adolescents are mean,” I told him, “even meaner than kids.” He laughed and said he knew me better than to believe that I meant that, and added something contrived about how one day I would change my mind. “Nuh-uh,” I declared, and in my best childish form, stuck my tongue out at him.

Five years later, he has a general pediatrics practice, and I find myself yet again humbled by my life’s irony.

(Have I mentioned how excited I am that I get to be a fellow? That's just so weird...)

Oh, and in totally unrelated news, did I mention that, when I leave in the morning, I'll be on vacation for a week? I'm not actually going anywhere...I'm going to try to find a new apartment and figure out when I can move and pack up as much shit as possible. And sleep in, and eat things that don't come from a freezer, a drive-through, or a hospital cafeteria, and hang out with my dog, and watch the TV shows I follow, when they're actually on, even if they're reruns, just because I can. And not see patients, and leave my voicemail to the very competent Peng, and maybe read a book that has nothing to do with psychiatry. And pay my bills, and go to the gym, and see my shrink (who's been on her own vacation for three weeks).

I might need two weeks...

Oh, but when I was looking through last May's postings to try and find the one about moms, I realized that once again, I'd missed the fact that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I don't think that's such a good sign, that the psych department doesn't seem to be very aware of this...so, I don't think it's workin', y'all....