More randomness

Because it's 2am, and I just got this call from the floor...

RN: Ms. Doe needs something to sleep.

Me: Okay, has she taken anything before?

RN: Trazodone. She says it makes her mouth dry. (Patient mumbling in the background) She says she'll wake up and drink water.

Me: Oh...so...is the Trazodone okay, then?

RN: (Confers with patient) She says it makes her mouth dry and she has to wake up and drink water.

Me: Has she ever taken Vistaril?

RN: She's already taken 50 mg of it tonight. Maybe we could give her some Bendaryl? She says she takes Benadryl at home.

Me: No, Vistaril and Benadryl are pretty much the same thing. Has she ever taken Ambien?

RN: (Confers with patient) No. Oh. But, I'm looking at the order, and I can repeat the Vistaril. So I guess I didn't need to call you. Oh, but she wants to use her Artificial Tears. Can you put in an order for that?

At 2am. Artificial tears. Really? Fine, fine, fine....

So I go into the physician order entry software to do that, and search for "artificial tears." And I find this. Look at the first item in the search results on the right:


An artificial nose? .....what? What the hell is that?? I thought we'd pretty much gotten rid of leprosy. Is this what that guy from The Humpty Dance pulled off? And why do you need a new one daily? I, truly, have no earthly idea what this is about. But I have some pretty funny mental images...

::EDIT:: Oh, no wait, it gets better. So I Googled "artificial nose", and I found this article, about the benefits of synthetic snot. I love it.