Are you kidding me???

So...this morning. 7am. Little Miss Maxine wakes me up, because, after all, IT'S MORNING!! MORNING! WAKE UP! WAKE UUUUUUUP!! (Max is quite the morning person, as it were.) Alright, fine. We have a little snuggle time, we head to Starbucks. Except we didn't make it, because Sparrow was on her way home and wanted her dog back. So we went and visited with her a little while, and then Mags and I actually did go to the Starbucks, and I was going to drop her off and then go to the gym, but, then I decided for some reason or another that I had to come in, and then I sat down. and then I checked my email, and then I decided, oh, boy, am I tired....you know, maybe I'll just take a nap. Maybe I'll go later.

Fortunately, I stalled, because then my phone rings.

So, I think I've mentioned that my original landlord (for like a minute) sold her house to the neighbor, who then parcelled off my house with the main house, and kept Sparrow's with his property, and is now selling my house and the big house. But, you know, they'll only show my little cottage if they have a serious buyer, and in this market, ehhh....

Okay, so at like 11am, my phone rings, and it's the realtor, and he's like, hey, you got my voicemail yesterday, right, saying that I'm showing your cottage at 1?

I said....what?? N-no....I....one???? Dude, no, that's a really bad idea. Because my house....whoa. Really, I haven't moved in yet. There's still boxes everywhere. There's dog hair everywhere. It's muddy paw season. The toilet seat has been broken since before I moved in, and like a month ago, the handy man dropped off the new one with a note saying "let me know when is a good time to install this" (uh, how about when you came into my house and left it here??). There's a sink full of dishes and a floor full of dirty laundry. The dining room table is three feet deep in crap. What??? WHAT??? You want to show this place now? Today? In two hours? Are you fucking kidding me?

He says, they're from out of town. They're really nice people, you'd like them. And I left you a message.

(For the record, that's exactly what he said to me, with emphasis on the attitude of "message". I said nothing of what's above after "Really, I haven't moved in yet." And there was a lot more swearing when this went on in my head...)

So I scrambled until quarter to one. I cleared more than a trash can full of crap out of my house, replaced the toilet seat, and somehow set my vacuum cleaner on fire trying to suck up the dog hair. And then Maggie and I made a run for it.

Truthfully, the house did look a lot better than it did when I got home from Starbucks. Still not as good as I would've liked, though, not even close. Which....I mean, I haven't really moved in yet (even though I've lived here, what, eight months now??), because I haven't really figured out what to do with all of my stuff in this tiny little place. But apparently it was good enough, because the realtor said they liked it.

So, Mags and I bummed around for about two hours until they left (! I don't know when they got there, but, dude). I eventually got the dishes done....around 6, when I was making dinner. The rest of the day has been less eventful, fortunately. And now we're watching Wedding Crashers on TBS. Which....it's not my favorite movie, but the cleaned-up version is pretty funny. Vince Vaughn's exclamation of "Jesus Christ!" just got translated into "Cheese and Rice!" Because, really, who doesn't invoke a nice vegetarian melange when someone dumps a bottle of rubbing alcohol on their open wound?

Y'all, it's time for bed....