No one believes you

We had a patient in the ER tonight report that he was "self-medicating" with - ready for it? - 40 lbs of chocolate. A day.

Dude, whatever.

Besides, I think it was the vicoden with which you were self-medicating, actually.

I keep thinking about the magnitude of that. 40 lbs. So, the average Hershey bar is 0.095 lbs (according to Hershey.com. It's not like I randomly know this). Let's round up to a tenth of a pound for the sake of middle-of-the-night math. So, at ten per pound, that's 400 Hershey's bars per day. And roughly 84,000 calories.

Not even a champion chocolate chomper such as myself could do that. Not a chance, buddy.