Sadness

Sometimes, I forget I'm allowed to feel stuff.

It's one of those therapist-y things, to some degree, You know, we're supposed to be all neutral and not have personal lives and know how to handle shit. Which, of course, "handling" things doesn't actually mean not having emotions, but rather, having them, knowing what to do with them, working through them, blah, blah, blah. But you get used to being all dispassionate and impartial and "what do you think about that?", that sometimes you forget the tempered side of things doesn't actually mean being detached from everything. That's just boring.

In some part it's one of those trauma survivor things. You get into this mindset of, you know, like, "victims" are controlled by their emotions and their trauma, but, "survivors" control theirs. Which, is, of course, crap. There are many things that differentiate the two; that is not one of them.

I've been running around for the past two days, very, "oh, no, I'm fine, thanks." And I *am* fine. But I often forget it's just fine (even for me) to be a little not fine. So, yeah, I'm fine. I'm also sad. And exhausted. And I think I'm coming down with something.

Thanks, everyone, by the way, for all the kind words and support.

::sigh::

But in better news, my cellmates officemates and I went to dinner after work tonight, at this new chain spot called Evos. It's all organic, healthy, eco-conscious fast food, blah, blah, blah. They "air bake" their fries. I was skeptical, but it was really good. The fries, well, taste like fries. The burger was free-range, hormone-free, antibiotic-free, and really tasty. And I had one of the best chocolate shakes I think I've ever had. Plus, the company couldn't be beat.

I only had one class tonight, which was nice, because I hadn't even done the reading for that one. And then Sparrow and Maxine came over (to retrieve Sparrow's laundry). And now I'm watching the premier of SVU, which, the only thing I can say about it thusfar is, dude, I think that kid's been on our unit....