Sweet baby girl

(Which is, of course, a reference to this song.)

Love Thursday is a couple days early this week.

I still have so much work to do that didn't get done. And my poor dog had to wait and wait and wait because the dog walker didn't get my message in time to come by today. Doesn't matter. Maggie managed just fine (although she was SO happy to see me when I got home, and barely spent enough time outside to pee), and the work's just going to have to wait, because, I had something much more important to do.

Crazy pregnant lady? Had her baby today.

Her day didn't start out that great. I called L&D around 8:15 to say, hey, when did you want her there, anyway? And the nurse says, "She was supposed to be here at 8." So there was this flurry of activity to get her off our unit and fuss, fuss, fuss. You know, honestly, my day didn't start off so well, either (I think I'd been at work about a half hour when I turned and said to my social worker, "Oh, I am so not in the mood to be fucked with today, so everybody just needs to stop").

On the whole, a really, really stressed-out day. My crazy patient (the non-pregnant one) is now crazier than ever and has now failed four medications. We're now looking for the outlandish and ridiculous explanations, like, thalium poisoning and porphyria. My patient load is just huge and sick and bad. And call, at least was mostly just hand-holding.

I did get a great quote today, though, from one of my patients on the ward. "I've learned not to say never no more, because you never know when never's gonna come."

But then, when I was done with call, I went over to L&D.

I checked in on my patient, of course. She was fine. She actually looked better than I'd seen her in a while. I mean, still hates me, but less vehemently. And I just popped in, because she'll come back to our unit tonight and we'll keep an eye on her for a few days, because she's at very high risk for becoming more acutely psychotic. But then...then I went upstairs and met Molly.

Oh. There are not words to say how sweet and adorable this child is.

I held her. And I snuggled her. And I told her how glad I was that she was out. I kissed her little head and wished her luck in things to come. I gave her a little advice on life...play nice with others, seek therapy early, try to always do the right thing, and get a dog. I apologized for dumping all those drugs in on her and her tiny little brain. I told her I was sorry she was never going to know who her father was, and that I hoped she got a real daddy someday soon (Jenn, I'd so send her to you if I could). I cuddled her and cooed at her and couldn't bring myself to put her down. Oh, she's just so sweet. I wanted to take her home and snuggle her for the next five days or so, help her with that crucial bonding time, just wander around with her in one of those baby pouches (what the heck are those things called again?) for a few days and keep her close. And then give her to a good family. She deserves so much more than she's going to get. She deserves love and cuddles and adoration. She deserves parents who love her to bits. She deserves to keep her sweet, pure, unmarred innocence as long as she possibly can. She deserves to have a full and wonderful life full of love and happiness and the elusion of her genetic loading after starting with such auspicious beginnings.

I totally hadn't anticipated how relieved I would feel once she was out, but I just am. So relieved. Now I can treat her mom like a real schizophrenic and not worry about what I'm doing to her little baby brain. I no longer have to worry about her randomly dropping the kid on the unit and not telling us about it. All the fighting about sterilization vs. Depo Provera vs. an IUD has lost a lot of its urgency. And this beautiful, perfect creature is here with us now.

Welcome to the world, baby girl. It's a hell of a ride.